• Sunshine_Mariah said on Dec 16, 2007....

  *hugs* It's ok lamp... you'll figure it out soon. And, it isn't you that is the problem! There is nothing wrong with you...trust me. Chin up! You'll meet people soon. I promise.

• lampshade said on Dec 16, 2007....

  You're the best mariah...I'd be so much worse without you right now.

• Sunshine_Mariah said on Dec 16, 2007....

  Anytime! :-) We all could use a friend every now and then.

• evil_twin said on Dec 16, 2007....

  When you go out with your friends do they help you loosen up at all? Sometimes it's easier to relax and in turn, meet new people, if you've got others around you who are really outgoing. You need a wingman. Someone to help bring you out of your shell and maybe get the ball rolling.
  
  And if you don't like to drink alcohol, try hanging out in a different place. Like a coffee house or a bookstore coffee shop. Something more your speed. I don't know where you live, but around here we have lots of coffee places with live music on Friday and Saturday nights. It's a great place to hang out and not get drunk, and still meet people in the process.
  
  Good luck to you. Just hang in there.
  
  -evil_twin LA
  

• lampshade said on Dec 16, 2007....

  evil_twin:  I do need a wingman.  I've thought this for a while.  The friends I was with this weekend all live over an hour and a half from me.  I am pretty relaxed when I'm with them, but I only see them a couple times a year.  I'll see what I can find for coffee houses or whatever around here, but I don't know.  What do I do?  Just go there by myself and sit around?  

• evil_twin said on Dec 16, 2007....

  It'd be a lot easier if you had someone else to go with you. That way you wouldn't feel like you were just hanging around by yourself staring at people. But if you do go alone, just bring a book or something. And then if you see anyone else around reading a book, maybe ask them if it's a good one. Say you're an avid reader and are always looking for something new.
  
  And if you find a place with music, the best opening to talk to someone is to comment on the music. Find someone who seems cool and who looks like they're enjoying it, and say, "wow, this is a great band." It's an icebreaker at least.
  
  I know it's really tough out there. Believe me. I was out there myself for a long time. But more you do it, the easier it gets. And if you can get a wingman, it'll be way easier. I wish you much luck.
  
  -evil_twin LA
  

• lampshade said on Dec 16, 2007....

  evil_twin:  Thanks for the help.  As for going with someone else, thats not going to happen.  I'm not exaggerating when I say I don't have any friends here.  I'll give it my best shot, and I promise to be in a better mood than I am in right now.

• lalalalalala said on Dec 16, 2007....

  lampshade: good luck! evil-twin's idea sounds great. You can do it! :)

• travelr712 said on Dec 17, 2007....

  it's hard to be alone in a new place lamp. feeling isolated doesn't help with the social skills at all does it? one thing i do know is that you won't meet anyone sitting in your home all alone. you have to pluck up that courage, and put yourself out on the limb if you ever want to meet new friends. keep in mind, that most of the time when people go to bars and coffee houses and the like, they're there to meet new people too, and often they're in the same boat that you are. they're just as nervous as you are. and et's idea of finding a wingman is a great one. maybe you can find a guy that looks like he's having the same trouble you are at one of those places, and the two of you can build a social network from there? just a thought.

• Mamie said on Dec 17, 2007....

  Trav is right, sitting in the apt. won't let you meet anyone. I have found it to be really easy to meet people by joining groups that are already formed....a book club at a local book store, a bible study, a dance lesson, a library group, a chamber of commerce. Volunteer your time to help someone. There are websites available with volunterr opportunities. Your service to the universe will likely be rewarded with many friendships...you have to give to get....

• uniquely-ironic said on Dec 17, 2007....

  All the suggestions above a good ones.  Another thought is to join a gym.  Some have cycling classes where you might find a friend or even a woman who shares an interest in fitness.  Is there anyone at work that you get along with decently?  That might be a source of a wingman.

• PassionTraveler said on Dec 17, 2007....

  I'm uncertain if you are focused more on searching for JUST friends or if you are also open to romance. Either way, I've made some REALLY REALLY close and dear friends off of personals sites, and many of the sites allow you to notate that you are only looking for friends (For me, friends came out of meetings that had no romantic chemistry, but did yield some compatibilities).
  
  Consider social boards like CraigsList.com for your area or even business networking sites, like LinkedIn.com. I even made friends with a vendor over the telephone. Turns out he lived less than a mile from me and we periodically hang out and grab a cup of coffee.
  
  You start by emailing, chatting, and phone conversations to make sure you are both comfortable and then agree to meet in a public place for coffee or something like that. (If it's just friends, I'd avoid hardcore dating sites for those.) Once comfort zones are reached, and you two have some common ground in the way of interests, make sure the first meeting has a prop.
  
  For example, if you both like the same musical group, or computer games or software, and you happen to have the latest album or version release, bring it along and share it. It gives you both some focused activity to at first center your attention, and makes it less stressful to come up with conversation topics. It becomes a built in topic of discussion.
  
  If you like board games, (I know you think I'm nuts for suggesting this one, but it DOES work) bring along a game of chess, checkers, or some other low-key 2+ player game that doesn't take too long.
  
  May I ask both where you live and how old you are (but only if you are comfortable sharing)? Your location and/or age may yield more ideas.
  
  PT
  

• travelr712 said on Dec 17, 2007....

  wow pt, you've put allot of thought and time into this. you should write a book on the practicallities of internet dating!

• lampshade said on Dec 17, 2007....

  Thanks guys...I don't expect things to change overnight but I need your support because you guys are all I have right now.  and PT I'm 26 and living in connecticut, away from all the major metropolitan areas.  I've tried dating sites a little, and I'll probably give them another shot, but my problem has always been finding someone who doesn't live more than an hour from me.  But I hate making excuses so I'll check them out again.  And about meeting friends or looking for romance, I'm not sure what I'm trying to find either, both I guess.  Thanks again.

• PassionTraveler said on Dec 17, 2007....

  Ah, that does make it tough LS. At this stage, I think you may have to overcome any shyness and just try to force yourself to make new contacts even at the grocery store.
  
  Look into classes like dancing lessons (women love men who can dance), or tae-kwon-do or even the local university's audited or community classes. Or try taking a language course. Any of those force you to interact with new people and hopefully find at least new friends out of it. Any class that requires some form of study means you can pair up with folks from the class to do that.
  
  Good luck and keep us posted.
  
  Thanks Trav. I know all the tricks, but even still they don't always work. But it at least improves your odds. ;)
  
  PT
  

• crybabylu said on Dec 25, 2007....

  ((hugs))

• sexspel said on Mar 06, 2009....

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