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Will i be kissed again under the mistletoe?

gingersoul posted on Dec 16, 2007 | views: 346 | Tags: xmas, considerations, Sc memories

Sunday is slowly fading away......

Outside the cold is ready for tie us up for another night...I think of the people who don’t have a shelter.....those who sleep underneath the bridges or tucked in some temporary, barely covered place.....those who didn’t eat last night nor this morning or at lunch and will not have a dinner too...

Those who live at the edge of our society, for whatever reason they might end up there....

 

I am here in my place, its small but al least I am warm...i am eating alone but at least I have something in my plate.....i am here and I seem to be forgotten by the whole world.....but I know its not true...

 

They are the ones who really don’t have anybody...

 

My friend Maria called me earlier and invited me and my daughter to spend Xmas day at her home with her little one.....we are going to have brunch, after opening the presents, and then we will go to watch “The Golden Compass”..

It’s a pretty precious Xmas day, don’t you think?

 

I remember last year...i was alone without my daughter ...alone without my family...

Xmas can be a cruel season....

 

So I spent my day here at SC.....and I learned to know better some of my dearest friends during that time.....Jenna (who dedicated a wonderful post to me....read here), Secret, Mamie, Lioneljay (who has been the best Santa ever at my first SC Xmas party...), Moon, who exactly one year ago answered to a comment I wrote about pretty toe nails, foot massage and Pablo Neruda in Creative Woman’s post, Kruu who also was alone in a foreign land...and so many others....so many.......

 

They made me feel less lonely and appreciated........ thanks again......:-)

 

I thought that this year Xmas would have come without adding any scars in my heart....i was so wrong....

 

Because I think Xmas is not a season....its a state of mind.....it is the place where we go when we don’t have a home and around us people live in warm, cozy, filled with laughter homes.....and we end up feeling lonely despite everything.

 

Last year I was sad because my daughter was spending her first Xmas without me after 11 years.....and it has been though.....if you are divorced and have kids you know what I mean......its hard to let them go......its hard not be there with them opening the presents and seeing their smiles...

 

I survived.

 

This year I am in a better place......i fought against my depression with all my might during the whole year

I survived again.

 

But I see that my road is not down hills yet......i am afraid I am not even half way from my destination...

I feel spaced out...

 

I didn’t even add all my usual decorations for the house and for our Xmas tree.....half of them are still in their boxes...my daughter thinks the tree is really pretty ....so it will stay this way....

i still have to put outside the balcony our Xmas lights...i dont think I will have the time since I don’t have the motivation....  

 

I listen to these beautiful Xmas songs, I watch these Xmas commercials and the movies where the family gather around and hug each other....and I  think.......will I ever have another Xmas with my home filled with voices and laughter, and friends coming over and the smell of cinnamon and chocolate cookies?

 

How long will I have to wait?

Will I be kissed again under the mistletoe?

 

 

All of you, one by one, have a beautiful Xmas....



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Comments

  • momsrock said on Dec 16, 2007....
    GS, you will have another christmas where your home is bursting with laughter and you are surrounded by friends...family...people that love and adore you.... it might not happen this year...or next...but it will eventually...In the meantime, try to remember their are some that are surrounded by people, house bursting with laughter but they are still as lonely as you.... they got tired of waiting, they weren't strong enough to hold out, they couldn't handle being alone and they settled...Be at peace knowing that when it happens for you...you were strong enough to hold out, you were patient and endured and when you have those things...it will be the right ones...and you won't ever be lonely again. If that doesn't work...I can make a beautiful tiara with the mistletoe in it....wear that...and you'll be kissed where ever you go...:)  I think your christmas sounds perfect...and I'm glad you have your daughter this year...I'm sure she is glad to be home with you for christmas too!! 
  • gingersoul said on Dec 16, 2007....

    Moms......thank you, sweetie....i hope you took the time to re-read the post about the Xmas party we had last year.....you were there too...remember? You and Scaly and some kind of pie that kept disappearing in the kitchen.....uhmm....LOL...

    I always kept you dear to my heart since then....i am glad we can talk again ..even though for a little bit...

    I know that many have the things but dont have the soul within the things....i am fortunate in this..with my daughter i have ben able to hold a perfect little family.....

    its just that that mistletoe sometimes seems smirking at me...{{{hugs}}}.

  • secretlife said on Dec 16, 2007....
    ginger:  a year has come & gone.
    the time - don't you see?  the time goes so quickly past us.
     
    i am reminded of the types of changes that can come to pass within just 365 days so often.  there are no guarantee's.  so while you are healthy and young, you have to push yourself.  you have to grab happiness.  do you see it?  do you want it?  grab it!
     
    it breaks my heart to see you wondering whether you'll ever kiss someone again under the mistletoe-
    it breaks my heart to think of you without your family on another christmas day.
     
    i wish i could wrap you in my arms and whisper to your ear how butterflies were meant to fly- and that it's past time for your wings to spread....
    i'm glad your daughter will be with you this year.
    that is a blessing.
    i'm glad you have a friend to share the day with- to have brunch with- to see a movie with.
     
    i want so much more for you.
    you deserve so much more.
     
     
     
  • momsrock said on Dec 16, 2007....
    GS,  I hadn't known you for very long...and even then I hated the idea of you being alone without your daughter. But you threw one heck of a party!! :) I miss reading him... he was a good friend to me. LJ's santa still makes me laugh... Maybe we can do it again sometime...I promise not to steal the sweets! lol 
  • lioneljay said on Dec 16, 2007....
    Ginger, you know that if there were any mistletoe within a mile I'd give you a big wonderful kiss. Of course, there's more than a few miles between here and there, but you have my promise that if ever we bridge those miles, we'll imagine some mistletoe somewhere no matter what the season.


  • gingersoul said on Dec 16, 2007....

    Secret.....again..thank you so much...{{{hugs}}

    Moms.....yes, we all miss him.......Secret actually wrote a post weeks ago about the people who are not here anymore and you and Scaly were in there...we were wondering about him......oh yes, you too clicked immediately....:-)

    LJ...oh, i am going to bed with your sweet words in my mind....no matter the season, no matter the mistletoe.....sweet promise.....thank you.. {{hugs}}

  • travelr712 said on Dec 17, 2007....
    your question is easily answered ginger. you will be kissed under the mistletoe when you decide to be.
  • queenparanoia said on Dec 17, 2007....

    ginger... {{{{{{{{{{{HUG}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

    so sorry if i haven't post about my love story yet... maybe i'll do that as a chirstmas present for you? but i'll be busy for a few days i'll do that next week... =)

  • Mamie said on Dec 17, 2007....
    oh, what a sweet kiss that will be! I wish it for you with all of my heart! I guess that since you are ready...that God is still working on the details of your Prince Charming...he must have alittle more work to do before he is given the treasure that is you...so be patient, friend, you would not want the man who is not ready...for the glory of you and your little one! This will be a very merry christmas, I can feel it!
  • moonriver said on Dec 17, 2007....
    ginger -- this blog of yours made me re-read my own blogs posted in december last year. i recall this, about xmas orchestral music. remember your comments in my christmas prison diary? how about no poetry today and postponing boredom and loneliness?

    dang, lady, you were the one mostly cheering me up that time with your oh so gentle and friendly words.

    these blogs (and re-reading yours) made me realize that i was probably too self-absorbed in my own xmas-induced loneliness last year that it was only a bit later when i noticed that a number of other soulcasters (including you) were in much the same situation or even worse. maybe you were just better in masking your hurts with xmas cheer, parties and all. and you know i'm not too good at parties... :-)

    ah, yes... foot massage and neruda brought a lot of good cheer for cold wintry days. i'm glad it helped you through those days. but that was just for starters. for me, one other memorable blog is about rivers in stormy nights. that still warms my heart each time i read the exchanges.

    so you see, my friend, you didn't actually walk alone, and someone did kiss you under the mistletoe, around this time last year... *wink*

    but i fully understand what you mean. online hugs and words of cheer helped all of us back then, but it's still a different matter of someone you love -- a close friend, a lover, family -- being there right beside you and sharing all the joy and goodwill that this season brings. someone who will give you a real kiss ... under the mistletoe this christmas and beyond.

    that kiss will come sooner than you expect. that's a promise.

  • uniquely-ironic said on Dec 17, 2007....
    Christmas is a special challenge for those who are divorced and have kids. 
     
    You will find that special someone to share kisses with under the mistletoe if not this year, perhaps the next.  I'm convinced that there is special compensation for those who share their kids with an ex at holidays.
     
    Merry Christmas Ginger
  • quietone said on Dec 17, 2007....

    oh Ginger, what can I say...I wish I had been here on SC last year, but I didn't get here til may.  I just had a thought...hey I am also waiting for that prince to come meet me under the misteltoe too...picture this... standing in front of Kmart or Walmart like the salvation army...with that little mistletoe over my head ringing my little bell waiting for someone...the right someone to come by and plant the special christmas kiss...oh what a picture!  LOL  I am glad you will be with a friend and go see that wonderful movie, it looks very good and I want to see it too...I will be thinking of you my friend..you are only alone in body...not in mind or spirit..you are a beautiful soul. merry christmas.  {{hugs}}

  • Battycat said on Dec 17, 2007....
    Hi ginger, ditto with you and quietone, i wasn't here last year, but i'll probably pop in this year to see who's around. Glad you'll be with your friend this year :-) {{{hug}}}
  • Alyss said on Dec 17, 2007....
    This is so poignant ginger. {hugs} for you.

  • destinydiva said on Dec 17, 2007....
    aaaw ginger, I understand how you feel, I adore christmas, but this year it is tinged with  sadness, plans i had made for this christmas fell threw, its just me and the kids, and I know I am lucky that I have the kids, its their day, but I still feel alone. and they go off to their dads at 5pm, where they will enjoy a family christmas evening (my kids my ex husband and his girlfriend) they will wake up boxing day morning, and have their own christmas morning again... I will go to bed and wake up alone...
    shopping for the kids presents, I drove home in tears after seeing all the happy families, couples getting presents for their kids.  and I was there alone, nobody to turn to and ask.... what do you think?  I try to hide all this heartache behind my excitement for christmas, but I'm not doing a great job, your post brought tears to my eyes and feelings I had tried to ignore,
    I cant imagine christmas morning without the kids and I take my hat of to you...well done for surviving last year, this year you have a friend to share the day with, I hope you have a beautiful christmas :-) and I'm glad you have your daughter with you this year.  I understand how you feel ginger I really do ((((((((((hugstoyou)))))))))  xx
  • skald said on Dec 17, 2007....
    Oh my dear Ginger you sound so sad. I am so sorry. I know Christmas can be a difficult time. Difficult for those who miss someone or something. I know you miss many things. ((((((((Big Hug))))))))))))
  • pickersplock said on Dec 17, 2007....
    Merry Christmas Ginger!
    I wish I could hop on a plane and fly out to you!
    I think we need another SC Christmas party!
  • kruuyai said on Dec 17, 2007....
    ginger:  Yes, last Christmas was a lonely one for us, wasn't it?  Hopefully, this one will be better.  Will your daughter spend Christmas with you this year?  I'm going back to the hostel that I was at just before Christmas last year, but this time, I'm staying for the Christmas dinner.  They're really nice people, and it's a really cozy place, so I'm sure it'll be nice, but it's still not the same as sharing the holiday with people that you know well.  I was invited to spend Christmas with a friend in Poland this year, but after  answered her email accepting the invitation, I never heard back from her.  Not surprising.  As far as love and kisses under the mistletoe, I've given up hope for that sort of thing.  Gosh, I'm getting myself depressed.  That wasn't my intention.  {{{{{{hugs}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}} to you for Xmas, dear.

    moms:  It's so good to see you back here again!
  • GracefullyGrowing said on Dec 17, 2007....
    Last year on Christmas I was totally alone, save my cat - Frodo, for the first time in my entire life.  I had just separated from my husband three weeks before.  I sat alone in a ratty house, and had Beef flavored Ramen Noodles for Christmas dinner.  Not one of my four children, nor any of my family, had called me or come by.  I did not receive one Christmas gift.  There was no tree.  There were no decorations.
     
    It sucked. I truly did feel I had been forgotten by the whole world, and that no one cared about me. 
     
    I sat there until around 5 PM feeling awfully bad.  Then Frodo jumped up into my lap, and nuzzled my chin.  I shared my noodles with him.  He happily lapped up the leftover broth, but left the noodles.
     
    About an hour later Frodo sauntered over to me with . . . something . . . in his mouth.  He dropped it at my feet.  He then sat his butt down, and looked at me - with that grin only cats can have. 
     
    I looked at it for the longest time.  When I realized it was a dead mouse, I just started laughing SO hard, and crying at the same time.  My dearest friend had given me the best "Christmas" gift he could offer.  And I knew, everything was going to be all right.
     
    After a few more minutes I got on the phone and started calling family and friends to wish them a Merry Christmas.  Most of those wishes I had to leave on answering machines yor voice mail, because no one was home, but the goal was accomplished anyway.  I realized, once again, Christmas is about giving.
     
    ~Grace~
  • kruuyai said on Dec 18, 2007....
    Grace:  That was a lovely story.  (I love kitties... they always seem to know just what to do to make you feel better, don't they?)
  • GracefullyGrowing said on Dec 18, 2007....
    Kruuyai - Yep!  You haven't LIVED until your only Christmas gift is a dead mouse - I tell ya!  LOL
  • kruuyai said on Dec 18, 2007....
    Grace:  Mmmm... I just lost out on a chance to live with kitties again.  I feel like crying.  A life without kitties is not a life worth living IMHO.  :(
  • kruuyai said on Dec 18, 2007....
    Oops.. I just realized my last comment makes me sound almost suicidal... I'm not... just at a loss as to how to get kitties into my life.  
  • travelr712 said on Dec 18, 2007....
    kruu - have you tried the local animal shelter?
  • allie:P said on Jan 01, 2008....
    I hope you get swept off your feet by a handsome prince charming to give you that perfect kiss, maybe your dreams will come true in the new year..x
  • gingersoul said on Jan 01, 2008....

    Thank you, Allie....so nice to see you again here...:-).

    And thanks to all of you who took the time to stop and read and write your comments.....i cherish them all..... 

    Have a very Happy New Year!!!

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