This hypochondriac is home sick today. But don't worry, I'm pretty sure that it's just a cold and not anything more serious and life threatening. But it still sucks. Especially since my damn internet went out about an hour ago! What the hell? Why does that keep happening? The last time I had a day off, I went almost the entire afternoon with no internet access. Is this some sort of sign that I'm not allowed to stay home?
Thankfully it came back on fairly quickly today. I only had to stand at the kitchen window for a short time and try to get connected. That was difficult. I actually considered sitting on the edge of the sink to make it easier for me. That's how lame I am. But when you're home sick and have nothing else to do, the internet becomes a vital source of entertainment. It's like medicine.
Speaking of which, I went to the drug store this morning to buy cold pills. I needed something to relieve this horrendous pressure in my head before my ears started bleeding again. Of course, the pharmacy was still closed so my choices were limited. All the good drugs are behind the counter now. So when I went up front with my pills I asked the dude at the register if I'd have to come back to get the good drugs.
He nodded and said the pharmacy opened at nine. Then he goes, "that's when you can buy the hardcore shit." I started laughing because I never thought about Sudafed as 'hardcore shit'. And then he got a little embarrassed and said he was sorry for his language. Not that it bothered me, but he must have forgotten he was at work and not hanging out with me on the street corner. It was kind of funny. Maybe he wanted to party with me later once I got my hands on the hardcore Sudafed shit?
Anyway, once I got back home, I took the pills and they did seem to help. Even if they weren't hardcore. And then I surfed the net until I wasn't allowed to anymore. After I stopped freaking out over my lost internet connection, I decided to lay on the couch. But then I heard commotion outside.
I got up to investigate because it's not like I had anything else to do. And guess what I saw outside? You'll never believe this. Keep in mind that I live in Los Angeles. Yes, I'm in a suburb and not inside the actual city limits, but it's still LA. But there was a fucking goat in my driveway. A goat!
I momentarily assumed I must be hallucinating from a fever or the inferior cold medicine, but I wasn't. There was a black goat in my driveway. And my neighbor (the boob lady) was out there trying to wrestle with it or something.
So I went outside and asked her where the hell the goat came from. She said she had no idea. She found it in her front yard eating her shrubs. And she asked me to hold onto it while she called animal control. I wanted to be a man here, so I told her I could do that. But I really dislike farm animals. And this goat had horns! Like a devil beast. And as soon as she let go of it, it charged at me.
I freaked out. I didn't want to be impaled by a goat horn on my sick day off. So I asked her to hold onto it while I made the call instead. But by this time, the goat was getting mad and was jumping at both of us. She was screaming, and I was panicking, and we both ended up jumping in my car which was thankfully unlocked.
So we're sitting there inside my car while this angry goat stared at us through the window. Luckily, she had her cell phone so she made the call. But what were we going to do? Sit in the car the entire time? That didn't sound good. Plus, I wanted to go back inside and see if my computer worked. After a few minutes, the goat wandered off, so we jumped out of the car. And by this time, the crazy paranoid old lady came outside.
She must have experience with farm animals because she wrangled it up and tied it to her tree with her dogs leash. So now we have a goat grazing across the street. What sort of bizzarro world did I step into? Someone around here has a damn petting zoo. I'm sure of it. Why else would there be a goat in my yard?
At least once I came back inside, my internet was up again! Hooray! But that was definitely not how I was expecting to fill my time while I waited for it to come back on. That took a lot out of me. I think I need to rest now...
-evil_twin LA
evil_twin posted on Dec 13, 2007
| views: 859
Comments
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allswell said on Dec 13, 2007....
That's pretty funny! Yea I would have freaked out too if a goat was running towards me! Well i hope the rest of your day goes a little better and i hope you feel better soon!alls:) -
polarheart said on Dec 13, 2007....
Feel better soon, Twinny! I would have avoided that goat at all costs - they can be very mean animals :-( -
uniquely-ironic said on Dec 13, 2007....
LOL That's too funny. It does seem weird to find farm animals on the streets of LA. How long did it take them to come pick up the goat? The crazy lady is a goat wrangler? Even more entertaining.Hope your cold is better soon. -
evil_twin said on Dec 13, 2007....
alls--Thanks :-) I never really knew I was scared of goats until now, but I didn't like it running towards me!
polar--Thank you :-) I didn't realize goats were mean, but I do now!
uniquely--I have a feeling that there is one person around here who has all of the offending farm animals in their yard. Maybe they wish they were living in the country? And the goat is still out there. I guess animal control is taking their sweet time. I hope I feel better soon too. Thanks :-)
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the_infernal_optimist said on Dec 13, 2007....
Ok, that's hilarious. :-D You really do live in some sort of Twilight Zone, don't you?I'm sorry that you had to try to wrangle a goat on your sick day. What a mental image though - and yeah, those things are mean sometimes!Feel better soon, and no more critter capturing for you until you're well again. :-D~Infernal -
quietone said on Dec 13, 2007....
Oh this cracked me up! I am surprised that the goat did not start to climb all over your car, as they like doing that as well. You could write a pretty good story about your lively neighborhood e.t. I think it would even make the top 10 best seller list!! LOL thaks for the laugh...and I hope you feel better soon. -
Battycat said on Dec 13, 2007....
Oh dear, that did make me laugh, did you ever find out where it came from? I like goats, in fact sometimes I prefer the four legged animal to the two legged one :-) -
pickersplock said on Dec 13, 2007....
Are you absolutely sure that was Sudafed you took? -
destinydiva said on Dec 13, 2007....
lol pickers!! :-)
evil~ hey I agree with the pharmacy guy...I get high on sudafed! seriously! :-)
....only you could end up with a goat in your garden.... trapped in a car with boob lady and have a crazy lady stalking your street!! lol (who maybe had something to do with the goat in your driveway in the first place?? )
awww hope you make a speedy recovery from 'man flu' :-) xx
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TaintedAtBirth said on Dec 13, 2007....
Sorry but that's one of the damn funniest things I've heard in a long long time!
If it doesn't work out with animal control I could use a goat as I have an enormous back yard and no riding lawnmower.
lmao
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travelr712 said on Dec 13, 2007....
man, i don't know why you're complaining about where you live all the time, nothing ever happens here! i would love to look out some day and see a goat in my yard, or get a free shot at the neighbor ladie's boobs! you get such interesting things to write about. me, i'm stuck with the rules of pm's. you ain't got it half as bad as you think dude! :-) -
evil_twin said on Dec 13, 2007....
infernal--Thank you :-) And I have no idea what sort of Twilight Zone I live in! It's crazy!
quietone--Thank you :-) The goat didn't jump on the car, but he spent some time with his nose pressed up against the drivers side window. It was kind of gross and there's is goat nose smear on it now. But I was feeling too crappy to think about washing it....
batty--I never found out where it came from, but they eventually picked it up and took it away. It had to come from somewhere nearby though. I can't imagine a goat traveling down a busy Los Angeles street for very far!
pickers--It wasn't Sudafed, it was something else. The Sudafed was behind the counter and I had to settle for something less 'hardcore'. But I'm pretty sure it wasn't a drug hallucination....
destiny--Thanks :-) Yes, only I would find myself in this strange predicament! Maybe boob lady really likes me and this her elaborate plot to have me rescue her from a deranged goat? Something to think about...
tainted--If the goat comes back, I'll send him your way! I'm glad you enjoyed reading this :-)
trav--I like my crazy neighborhood. It definitely keeps things interesting. I never in a million years would have expected to find a goat outside though. It does make for a good story though. And to think if I went to work today, I never would have seen it!
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pickersplock said on Dec 13, 2007....
Oh, well, you know, NyQuil will do that to me! So I just wondered.I'm just kidding you. I hope you're feeling better! -
evil_twin said on Dec 13, 2007....
pickers--Nyquil is definitely hardcore. That stuff messes me up. Only I don't get tired, I get all wired and feel like I'm on speed. But it wouldn't surprise me if I saw goats in my living room if I took that stuff.... -
pickersplock said on Dec 13, 2007....
Do you know, you need ID to purchase NyQuil, Sudafed, superglue, certain automotive cleaners, and a whole host of other products?Apparently teens are using them as drugs.I could see the NyQuil and the Sudafed, but dry gas? Carburator cleaner?EWWWWwwwwwwwwwww!NyQuil makes me pass out, after the bed spins! -
evil_twin said on Dec 13, 2007....
pickers--The last time I bought Dimetapp, they made me fill out paperwork! And they did take down my driver's license number too. I've heard that if you snort the fumes of carburator cleaner and stuff like that, it makes you high. But you might as well sniff a diesel tailpipe while you're at it! -
pickersplock said on Dec 13, 2007....
I rather have dental surgery!That's just wrong in every way.Jeez, what ever happened to plain old pot......or beer? -
CreativeWoman said on Dec 13, 2007....
Kyle,As I was reading this, I kept thinking you must have been transported to Twin Peaks. Remember that show?That's quite a way to spend a sick day. I hope you are feeling better by now. As soon as you do, you need to start working on writing a sitcom. :-) You can't make this stuff up!CW -
nursecutie said on Dec 13, 2007....
This was soooo funny!! A goat! LOL! I'm glad you didn't tell me about that part and just said for me to read it instead.......LOL I have no idea where the farm animals are coming from, but I think you're right that it's probably one house with all sorts of crazy things in the yard!
I'm sorry you were sick today :( I wish I could have stayed home and taken care of you, but it sounds like you did ok for yourself. You even had some excitement to take your mind off it!
That is lame about the internet going out again too......I wonder if it goes out more than we realize since we're never home during the day?? It might! I can't believe you were going to sit in the sink though.......LOL!
{{{hugs}}}
I'm home now so I'll make sure you feel better :)
xxoo natalie xxoo
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lfbno7 said on Dec 13, 2007....
At least a goat has some size to it. Have you ever been chased by a goose? A goose doesn't even come up to your knee. I was chased by a goose once. Part of me wanted to kick it like a football because it is so small, but I couldn't seriously consider that because someone owned the goose and you can't kick someone's goose. So I had to unceremoniously advance to the rear. You want to stand your ground unable to hit back, and get your shin pecked by a maniacal goose? -
wombat said on Dec 13, 2007....
and the Noah's Ark saga continues...I am trying to cut back on my time here, but this was funny. Sorry.You feel better, evil twin. and thanks both of you for making me smile.... -
destinydiva said on Dec 14, 2007....
evil~ lol!! I love conspiracy theories...maybe crazywoman and boob lady are in on it... :-) I agree with cw! you should start writing a sitcom :-) hope your eeling better today :-) xx -
destinydiva said on Dec 14, 2007....
feeling not eeling!!! :-) -
lfbno7 said on Dec 14, 2007....
I had eel sushi the other day and it was surprisingly good. -
evil_twin said on Dec 14, 2007....
pickers--I agree with you!
CW--Thank you :-) I'd love to write a sitcom. That would be fun! I still feel kinda crappy today, but it's off to work as usual.
cutie--I knew you'd think this was funny! I did feel better once you got home too :-) Love you...
lfbno--Oddly enough, I was attacked by an angry goose once. I was with my niece and we were feeding ducks at the park, and this big old goose ran up to me and tried to steal the bread away from me. And when I wouldn't let go, it started chomping at me! I just dropped the bread bag, grabbed my niece and ran off.
wombat--Thanks for stopping by :-) I'm glad you liked reading this and it made you smile.
destiny--Thanks! I like conspiracy theories too!
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wakingharmony said on Dec 14, 2007....
Kyle I'm sorry it took me so long to stop in.. I was off for a day too (internet) Hope your feeling better now... Im sure your cute little nurse will make at least your eyes and heart feel better. If I was around there I'd make you and Nat a nice pot of homemade chicken soup....so she wouldnt have to worry about nutrition and concetrate on her love potion to make you better hehe (Ok you guys!! minds out of the gutter!! I am talking about her "Heart" ....this is on a mom level..geesh) haha -
evil_twin said on Dec 14, 2007....
waking--You're so sweet :-) I would love your chicken soup! I feel a little bit better today. And yes, Nat makes my heart feel better for sure! -
wakingharmony said on Dec 14, 2007....
I am so happy for you two! You guys make my heart remember real love and the wonder of it all!!! She is the Apple in your Pie... without her you would be but a crust. And the fact that you know this so young is so beautiful!! -
tizzygirl said on Dec 14, 2007....
I hate being sick too :( But you have your own personal nurse so you should be on the up and up real soon!!! As for the goat, I love goats!!! Even evil devil ones with horns, goats are cute even if they are baaaaaad (ha ha) I'm glad it didn't gore you though! I think you live in an undercover farming community, didn't you say there was a rooster there once? Maybe you should start charging a petting zoo fee to people to come over! Feel better! -
skald said on Dec 14, 2007....
Hy just wanted to say I read you and I wonder what it means that you always get cut off when you are at home. Maybe it's just your router lol I had a bad one that kept on cutting me off until I had enough and went to the company and got an other.
Could we possible stay to much on line. lol Get well soon.
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TaintedAtBirth said on Dec 14, 2007....
lfbno...
"...someone owned the goose and you can't kick someone's goose."
That sounds like a quote from a Monty Python film or something!
Literally lmao!
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wakingharmony said on Dec 14, 2007....
TAB lol I really expected lfbno to want to cook the goose ..hehe -
TaintedAtBirth said on Dec 14, 2007....
But then his "goose would be cooked"!
he he :)
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evil_twin said on Dec 14, 2007....
waking--I'm glad I don't have to be just crust anymore! :-)
tizzy--Thanks :-) There is a rooster and possibly a donkey too. And now there is a goat. I am betting that all these animals are coming from the same house! They have to be.
skald--Thank you. I don't know why I keep getting cut off at home. I am on here a lot so maybe I wore it out? My router gets tricky sometimes, but usually if I unplug it for a minute, it'll work again. I think it's a problem with the cable service.
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skald said on Dec 14, 2007....
That is what I used to do, unplug my router and try again. i got sick of it when it did not come on for a hour. Well good luck and maybe you should do the same thing as me, get a new one. I also thought there was a problem with the service. it was not -
lfbno7 said on Dec 14, 2007....
ET have you been attacked by any other farmyard animals besides a goat and a goose? Yet, I mean. I'd steer clear of steers if I were you. I'd cower away from cows. If a duck was on the loose, I'd duck. As for a peacock, I don't even want to think about it. -
queenparanoia said on Dec 14, 2007....
hahahahahha very funny!!! inspired me to post my experince with goat!!! =) -
Mr_Box said on Dec 15, 2007....
This is a great story. A goat?
Now that's not something I've seen roaming my neighborhood before.
Although once there was a peacock in our backyard.
It escaped from this park not too far away and let me tell you that was a shocker when I went outside to smoke.
It didn't attack me though. It just looked at me. But that's a much bigger bird that I expect to see in my yard.
I hope you're feeling better. I just saw you last night and you seemed to be okay.
Maybe it was the hardcore cold pills?
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