Recycling Romance?
Ask
any modern woman. She will tell you that there always seems to be a
shortage of decent men. It's now come to recycling. I actually was
contacted by a man from 6 or 7 years ago, from one of my personals
sites. He didn't remember me. He was a jerk. Does he deserve a second
chance? I'll let you be the judge.
Back then, I chatted and
emailed with him a few times. He lived in L.A. , and I was living in
the desert then. The two-hour commute made it more practical for me to
stay with my mom for the weekend, and come to him for the date, rather
than have a strange man travel so far to come see me and possibly
expect me to put him up.
The first date was okay. He was charming, attractive, but a bit over the top... pushy even.
The
second date, he was "running late", and asked me to wait inside his
apartment for him. The layout of the apartment yielded a view of both
the bathroom and his bedroom. I didn't notice immediately, but soon, I
noticed that the floor of his bedroom was littered with USED CONDOMS.
---- EWWWWW!
Soon after, he walked out of the bathroom,
presumably following a shower, wearing only a robe, and an erection
peeking out and made a beeline for me.
I was out of there so fast!
So
now, nearly 7 years later, he doesn't remember me, (pretty much the
same profile ad although with an updated photo) and has initiated
contact.
I wasn't sure at first if it was the same man, but I knew the email address sounded very familiar.
I waited for him to submit a photo (his profile did not have one). Sure enough, the same jerk.
On
paper he reads very well. Polite, successful, professional, yada yada
yada. In all the years I've done online dating, I've had stellar
success. Even if chemistry wasn't there, I met some really great people
who became good friends, had some nice dates, and even a few short-term
relationships out of it. But this one guy, to date, was the only one I
could say marred the whole experience and fit that predator stereotype
that so many people wrongly have of Internet Dating.
It's a shame too, because it's a great way to go about it. Much better than a bar scene.
So
now, can a leopard change his spots? Is it possible he's changed after
7 years? Does he deserve another chance? I have my own opinions about
this but thought I'd let you chime in.
Colleague Update
As
for the delicate colleague interest. It's sort of in limbo and I'm
thinking maybe to leave it that way or formally transition it to a
stronger platonic that it was before. It's fine if it's clandestine,
and kept outside of the office cubicle walls, but the problem is that
it's not even happening at the moment much of anywhere, let alone
outside work. You have to see each other to claim some sort of
relationship.
He's been both out of town and upon returning,
sick. He's also announced a family clan visiting for the holidays, ergo
no time away from them for me. If it will continue, it looks like it
might not happen until after the holidays... maybe mid-January.
But
there have been small opportunities to get together privately, or I
even offered taxi service to and from his flights, but even this he
didn't accept.
So, I am thinking actions speak louder than
words, and he just isn't that into me. He's the type who can't say no
even if he doesn't want to do something.
When time permits, I'll
pull him aside, and offer him an out. We were already good friends.
Nothing physical short of kissing has happened, so I'll offer a very
platonic friendship but on steroids. Something that provides both of us
lonely souls much needed emotional intimacy, human comfort and contact,
but without the concerns of it becoming the wrong kind of intimacy and
something that shouldn't complicate the working relationship.
Otherwise, I'm getting pretty tired of disposable relationships. Whatever happened to that extended warranty?
PassionTraveler posted on Dec 12, 2007
| views: 415
Comments
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travelr712 said on Dec 12, 2007....
extended warranty went the way of american industry. people are getting used to moving from one relationship to another. i don't know if it's good or bad. i think it's just another way for a society to exist myself, and not a moral imperative.can a leopard change it's spots? well, in my case, yes, i have somewhat. so maybe he has too. there's no way to tell unless you actually see the guy. and hey, you're the adventurous type, you like a challenge, why not see if your theory is true? -
TaintedAtBirth said on Dec 12, 2007....
He sounds like a clown to me, I'd leave it be.
Of course I'm no expert but I have to believe there are "good men" out there.
I guess it's all in how you go about finding them (apparently that's the big secret).
Good luck either way!
-
evil_twin said on Dec 12, 2007....
I suppose a person could change in that amount of time. But if he's still single and looking for love online 7 years later, I'm going to go out on a limb and say he's the same jerk he always was. Creepy guys like that probably don't change, unless they find religion or something.
I can't even believe he invited you over and had USED condoms on the floor. That's disgusting. But who knows? I'm wrong sometimes because I'm just really cynical when it comes to people changing drastically. I'm not sure I believe it can be done. Certain things, yes. But entire personality transplants? Probably not.
-evil_twin LA
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5dollar said on Dec 13, 2007....
PT, I have to go along with ET on this one. If he had contacted you and said I'd like to see you again and talk, or something like that. Then maybe, he had changed. But, and I hope I'm understanding your post right, it sounded like he was still on the make and threw a dart on the personals, like he had always done. I would say ignore him. -
PassionTraveler said on Dec 13, 2007....
I pretty much planned not to go out with him, but there is a devious side of me who wants to see if he figures out who I am or if he does try it again. Sort of play him for a bit.
But then I'm usually a straight shooter and not really a game player.
PT
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GracefullyGrowing said on Dec 13, 2007....
I do think people can change, especially in 6-7 years. I've seen some people change even core parts of themselves in a year or less. The key words here are "can" and "parts" however. Can and do are two entirely different things. Parts make up a whole. Humans change parts of themselves progressively, but not the whole at once. Very little in life is absolute, much less the mind and heart of a man!So, in agreement with Travelr, it won't hurt anything to venture into the jungle and see if the leopard has stalked enough prey. It could be he's is done keeping Trojan in business and looking for something real. It could be he's still just out to feed temporary desires. Whatever the result, if one is ready for it, the adventure to discover the truth is always a worthy one. -
genalonewolf said on Dec 13, 2007....
i sometimes wish I was single when I read things like this. Men are given a bad rep by prudes and egotistical people like this and it is not always the case. I would love to get my hands on this dude. Ok I am done ranting. Good luck to you PT. -
PassionTraveler said on Dec 13, 2007....
Gracefully, I have seen people change, too. I'll respond and see, but new developments on the colleague front may keep me from doing anything. Apparently he's still interested in an us. I'm spending some quality time with him this weekend.
Genalonewolf, I'm typically a champion for men. Some are pricks, but most are just trying to get along in the world, like the rest of us. Sometimes it's tough to figure them out, as I'm sure it is for them to figure us out, but in the end, it's really lost souls seeking completion.
PT
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travelr712 said on Dec 13, 2007....
nah pt, men are easy. it's women who are the mystery. that's what makes them so interesting :-) -
D6fer said on Dec 13, 2007....
I got one word for ya..."NEXT!" -
moyz said on Dec 14, 2007....
I'd say let him be...but since you are so curious try it out if you will...maybe he has changed...who knows? I'd rather you see what the other guy does -
jdworldly said on Dec 14, 2007....
Good work once again ms. passion...the same dolts from my past keep reappearing in my life too(or in my dreams)
I hope you continue reading my posts as am still bereft of comments...by the way, I am thinking of changing my screen name from jdworldly to "mr.enigma" or "buddha no more"--what do you think?
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PassionTraveler said on Dec 15, 2007....
Trav my man, sometimes I wonder which is true.
D6fer, Next indeed.
Moyz, I think the nay's have it. I'll pass. It was fun thinking of the torture I could have put him through, but alas, I'm better than that.
Ah, Mr. Worldly, I've been remiss in my commenting duties. You have my humble apology. And please do elaborate on your meaning of those same ole dolts from your past? Anything worth sharing? As for your moniker, I often think a reinvention of ourselves can be a good thing, but I must confess, I'm not terribly fond of either your secondary or tertiary choices for your new 'enigma".
PT
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PassionTraveler said on Dec 15, 2007....
And Mr. Worldly? Per chance, am I the subject of those dreams? [ Please do say yes. ;) ]
PT
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travelr712 said on Dec 15, 2007....
pt - wow, i'm your man? i thought we were just friends! but if you wanna take it up a notch... ;-) -
Daniel68 said on Dec 15, 2007....
pt -
Don't go near the guy. If he's been on the internet that long, he's a predator and deserves to be tossed from consideration.
I may be a cynic, but to me - people are who they are by age 21. They don't really change. Somethings, like what happened to you and some other issues, maybe involving the death of a loved one - that may change people - but overall no, I don't think somebody who is a predator like that would change.
be careful out there, please
-
GracefullyGrowing said on Dec 15, 2007....
Daniel68 - I wish for you the blessing of both watching someone change a core part of themselves, and having that experience within yourself. It can and does happen, and quite often. I totally disagree that people are who they are by age 21. 21 is the beginning of things, not a set in stone end. I, and most everyone I am close to or even know well enough to observe, am/are totally different people this year than they were even last year, not to mention from who they were at 21.The other thing I observed about your post is the aspect of "if he's been on the internet that long, he's a predator and needs to be tossed from consideration." While I understand what you're saying to a degree, why would the fact that someone is on the internet 6 or 7 years, on the dating scene, be seen by you as a predator? There are MANY reasons why someone would spend 6-7 years dating, (even on the internet) only ONE of which would be a penchant toward being a predator. I mean, PT has obviously (from clues in the original post) been on the internet dating scene for several years, and we don't see them as a predator. I don't get it.~Grace~ -
Daniel68 said on Dec 16, 2007....
GG -
Fair enough. Perhaps he's not Mr. Goodbar, but rather just a guy looking for love. I'm sure that's why he came out of his bathroom with his willy peeking out on the 2nd date, and has a loo full of used condoms on the floor.
I will concede that certain things happen to people each year, and that I am wrong when I say people are the same way at 21 as they are today.
-
PassionTraveler said on Dec 17, 2007....
Thanks to all for your thoughts and opinions. Fear not; Mr. Peeping Willy won't be notched into any of my lipstick cases, even though it might have been fun to torment him a bit. LOL
I really am glad to see you again Daniel68. You are one of my absolute favs here in SC and I know you know it.
I do find it interesting how compelling the Peeping Willy tale was to the exclusion of the notation about my colleague.
But as an FYI, the colleague situation appears to be moving forward albeit at a snail's pace, something to which I'm not accustomed, but somehow I suspect that's a good thing. Slow & steady wins the race!
PT
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