My last post mentioned that there were things about me that I don't always share with people. And there are various reasons for that. But in my effort to open up myself a little, I'm going to share one of my quirks with you guys. I'm a hypochondriac. If I get any sort of weird ache or pain, I'm pretty much convinced it's something fatal.
I've been like this since I was a kid. My parents had to stop letting me watch any sort of medical drama on TV because I would start thinking I had every ailment they featured on the show. Even things that were impossible for me to have, I'd think I had them.
This sort of crazy thinking often leads to panic attacks. Because I'm really convinced I'm dying of something. And this happened to me yesterday when I was at work. When I woke up, my throat felt a little sore and weird and my left ear hurt. I didn't think too much about it, because otherwise I felt fine. I didn't seem sick. I thought maybe it was the cold weather or allergies.
Then as my morning went on, it seemed to get worse. My ear really hurt. And I got this sharp pain inside it, so I sort of stuck my finger in there to relieve the pressure-y feeling. And that's when I noticed my ear was bleeding. Bleeding! I had blood coming out of my ear!
You can imagine my horror at finding that, and I assumed my eardrum had ruptured. Or I had a fatal brain disease and my brain was leaking out my ears. Or it could be some sort of cancer from my cell phone, because that's my favorite listening ear. What if the cell phone radiation did something to my ear? Is there a such thing as ear cancer?
These are the thoughts that ran through my panicked mind during that time. I am crazy. I know this. But my ear was bleeding! That's just not normal. I could barely breathe because I was freaking out, and I thought maybe I needed to leave and go to the hospital. Or at least go home so I could panic in the privacy of my own home.
I called my personal nursecutie and wanted to know what she had to say. But of course she was busy working on actual patients and didn't answer her phone. After a few more minutes of freaking out, the pain went away in my ear. And the bleeding stopped. It was never like a massive hemorrhage, where I was moments away from dying. It was just a little. But a little was still too much!
I still have no idea what happened. When I did finally get a hold of Natalie, she said if the pain was gone, it was probably nothing. It's possible that I had a lot of pressure in my ear and it burst a blood vessel. And since I could still hear, it probably was not my eardrum. What would I do without her? Probably spend all my time assuming death was imminent.
So I recovered from that possible catastrophe and went about my day. Then later on that night, we went grocery shopping to pick up a few things. And we'd gotten some twelve packs of Dr. Pepper that we put on the bottom of the cart. They started slipping off, so I reached down and stuck my hand in the hole where you're supposed to carry them, and I felt this sharp pain in my finger.
I assumed it was a paper cut and it hurt like hell. But that's not a reason to panic. It's a paper cut. Even I'm not that much of a freak. But after a few minutes, it didn't look like a cut. It started swelling up and I had this little lump on my finger. So I worried that there was maybe a poisonous spider lurking in the drink box and it bit my finger. What? It could happen! You never know.
I was not panicking about this, per say, but I was worried. And I really wanted to know what happened to my finger. So I got out a magnifying glass and made Natalie examine it closely. She couldn't see anything but a little dot on top of the lump. To me, that meant poisonous spider bite. But to her, it meant I probably got a splinter. Her theory was more logical. But we couldn't actually see a splinter, and it hurt too much to poke at it. So she suggested I just leave it alone and see what happened.
This morning, I felt pain in my finger and it seemed to have traveled downward from the area that had been hurt. So my mind went right back to spider bite, because I assumed the venom had now traveled down my finger and it was possible I might lose all feeling in it and maybe get sick.
That's when I realized that I was actually looking at the wrong finger. There was nothing wrong with that finger. It was the one next to it that I mysteriously hurt. So clearly this weird pain I had was absolutely nothing and not related to the injury and I am simply a crazy person. And now all of my fingers are just fine.
So this is what it's like to be me. It kind of sucks. But I know I can't be the only person out there who gets like this. There must be more hypochondriacs out there, because they came up with a fancy name for people like us. So I can't be the only one.
Now is your time to share. Are you a hypochondriac? Or do you know someone who is, and you laugh at them every time they think they have a new disease? You gotta tell me so I don't feel so stupid here. And this is the conclusion of my deep dark secret sharing for the day. Hopefully no one wants their money back now :-P
-evil_twin LA
evil_twin posted on Dec 11, 2007
| views: 685
Comments
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Mr_Box said on Dec 11, 2007....
Oh my God dude.....I'm cracking up. Ear cancer? Spider bite? Where do you get this stuff?I know it's not funny because you actually think these things are happening. But after the fact, it's pretty funny isn't it?I am so glad you are marrying a nurse. But just don't read any of her medical journals because you'll never sleep again.I've never really been a hypochondriac. In fact I'm more the opposite. I could be dying and I'd insist it was nothing more than a cold.At least you know that if you ever had a disease, you'd get fast treatment because you'd already be at the hospital. I'd just slowly wither away and never know what was wrong until it was too late.So maybe it's good to be overly cautious? Sometimes. But probably not like this.Relax, man. You don't have ear cancer. -
lfbno7 said on Dec 12, 2007....
I don't think you're a hypochondriac at all. It sounds to me like you're fucked. It was very nice knowing you. (always glad to help) -
silverwhisper said on Dec 12, 2007....
my dad's a doctor, so it would be hard for me to be a hypochondriac. :>
heh...although i have to say, i think that this is more common than you might think. the big question to me here is why do you think this is, kyle?
ed -
evil_twin said on Dec 12, 2007....
Mr. Box--I have no idea where I get this stuff. I have too vivid of an imagination apparently. But you're right, if something was wrong, at least I'd know before most people would even realize something was happening! But I know I need to relax.
lfbno--Thanks for that :-P If you said that to me the other day, you would have freaked me out!
silver--Why do I think it's common for people to be like this? Or why do I think I'm like this? I guess the answer is pretty much the same though. I have no idea! I think it's just that my imagination is really crazy and I have a fear of being sick.
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tbs230 said on Dec 12, 2007....
I don't know if I'm a hypo, but I do tend to overthink things...all the time. But as a child I was always sick. It got to the point where my uncle would be waiting for me downstairs in the afternoon at school, because I got sick EVERYDAY! (so, I always thought something was wrong with me...because there usually was something wrong with me!)
So, let's see...
I once had mono, at first, I thought, shit, I'm sick...but then a week went by, two weeks...what the hell?!?!
When I finally got out of bed...two weeks later, I was convinced, CONVINCED, I tell you, that I was dying. To make matters worse, my mom said to me, as I walked by her room, "You look so cute when you're dying"...
*sigh*...I cried of course. turned out my 105+ fever was just mono. And wouldn't you know, the moment I went to the hospital, aside from the fever (which was the coolest I'd been for two weeks), and a runny nose, I felt fine.
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silverwhisper said on Dec 12, 2007....
sorry, i meant why do you think you're a hypochondriac? and why fear being sick? it's over quickly, you're engaged to a nurse who knows how to care for you if need be...?
ed -
evil_twin said on Dec 12, 2007....
tbs--I remember you telling me about your mono story before! That was really scary. I'm sorry you were always sick when you were a kid though :-(
silver--Well being engaged to a nurse is a new development in my life, so I'm only recently getting comfort from that. I spent 27 years panicking over the idea of being sick, so it's a hard habit to break! I truthfully don't fear having colds or the flu and stuff like that. It sucks, but I'm okay with it. I just fear the really bad life threatening stuff. And that stems from my fear of being in pain and dying slowly while everyone watches, etc. When I die, I want it to be fast. So I guess I just freak out at the prospect of a slow painful death by disease.
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silverwhisper said on Dec 12, 2007....
ah...see, it's those last few sentences i was trying to get to, man.
that's a perfectly reasonable fear, if you ask me. nobody wants to witness their capacities diminish and i think that's the insidious, scary thing about being ill, you know?
ed -
evil_twin said on Dec 12, 2007....
silver--Yeah, that's pretty much the fear I have. So when I have any sort of weird symptom that isn't typical to a cold or flu, I start worrying that I have a rare illness instead, and I might die. It's irrational and crazy, but it's hard to stop thinking like that. -
silverwhisper said on Dec 12, 2007....
well, as we all know, change is hard. but i think nat would agree that the number one thing in patient recovery is patient attitude--certainly, it's what i understand to be true, anyway. :>
ed -
uniquely-ironic said on Dec 12, 2007....
I'm a selective hypochondriac. There are certain types of pain that always make me think I've become sick with some fatal disease. Headaches are one of them. If I have a headache that lasts more than a day, I start thinking brain tumor. Of course no tumor has ever materialized and I think it's just my way of justifying the pain. Colds, sinus infections and pulled muscles are my other favorite fatal diseases.On the other hand I have broken bones and limped away from the accident that caused them muttering "walk it off, unique, just walk it off". It usually takes me a couple of days to go to the doctor and have it diagnosed. -
allswell said on Dec 12, 2007....
Hi Kyle....well i hope everything really is ok! But i'm sure if Natalie thought there was ever even a slightest chance of being something wrong she would tell you...see it was faite that brought you and her together..you need someone there that can help calm your fears...don't you think? I guess in a way i'm a secret hypochondriac, maybe everyone is but just won't every admitt it! But whenever i have a pain or something unusual about me....i think of the worst and wonder if i do have something really wrong with me "am i going to die" but i never admitt it to anyone or ever get anything checked out...i just figured well if i am going to die i don't want to know! Besides i hate going to the doctor!
alls:)
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Zayda said on Dec 12, 2007....
Kyle--I was rolling laughing at this. (well not at the fact that you are a hypochondriac, but at the way you told this, especially the spider bite part).
I don't think, as Silver has noted, that being a hypochondriac is all that uncommon though. And it often stems from a variety of things.
I think I might be the polar opposite though. I simply don't worry about things like that. I'm the girl who steps on a piece of glass and cleans it out herself and then after taking a look decides if she needs to go to the ER.
I should say, I don't panic when it's me, and I don't panic so much when it's the hubby either, but when something happens to the little guy it's a slightly different story. -
tizzygirl said on Dec 12, 2007....
I am absolutely a hypochondriac! I always have been and I'm sure I always will be, luckily for me my Mom knows everything there is to know about medical stuff! I've learned a lot from her so I'm actually quite helpful to other people. In fact with others I'm calm and collected and in control when it comes to medical emergencies....when it's me I'm just convinced I'm dying, I've said my goodbyes oh so many times! I look back and do find it funny, I hope you do the same thing, but I know at the time it can be downright paralyzingly terrifying! I wouldn't feel so bad, I know you are definitely not alone and anyone with any amount of compassion would never dream of laughing at you for it! -
quietone said on Dec 12, 2007....
e.t. you poor thing!!LOL I know it wasn't funny at the time!! I am also glad you have your own personal nurse! (poor nat)!! anyway..no I am the opposite...I don't take things seriously enough sometimes. But at any rate...glad you lived to see another day!! And yes, probably that ear thing may have bugged me a bit for a minute too...in all fairness. -
GrapeKoolaid said on Dec 12, 2007....
Ah, ah, ah-choo! [sniffle, sniffle]
I thik i'b cobig dowd wid subthig... Better stay away frob bee...
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travelr712 said on Dec 12, 2007....
dude! a poisionous spider in the soda box!you know, there once was an episode of night gallary where this guy got a worm of some type from africa, that you put in someone's ear, and it couldn't back out, it had to eat it's way through to the other side. so the guy spent a week strapped to a bed, screaming in agony while the worm made it's way through his brain. when it was done, he was talking to his doctor, and the doctor was all concerned. the guy said, well, the worm is through and i'm still alive. the doctor said yes, but i caught it as it came through, and it was a female. and the female lays eggs!so maybe it wasn't cell phone induced ear cancer, maybe it was an african brain worm?just tryin to help. :-) -
the_infernal_optimist said on Dec 12, 2007....
I'm pretty much like Zayda (ignore if possible if it's myself, freak a little if it's little one or linebacker baby) here, but I know a hypochondriac, and it really is no fun for her. I can't imagine living thinking that something awful is happening whenever you're injured/sick. Ugh. I tend to have to be coerced into seeking medical attention on the rare occasion I need it.And OMG, if it *had* been a spider bite, I would never go near a box of soda cans again. I still might make DH get my next few cans of Dew out now, after thinking about that. :-p ;-)I don't want my money back. :)~Infernal -
CreativeWoman said on Dec 12, 2007....
I am that way with my feet. Any little twitch or pain sends me into a state of freakish panic. I know it's because of my toe being gone. Still. Being too much the other way probably got me where I am now...without a toe. I've done a 360 and have joined your world. I'm in good company. :-)CW -
Mamie said on Dec 12, 2007....
OMG! I am just like that! Duh, the first clue was me getting freaked about the little bruise in my gum, remember? you don't even want to know what I thought that was, but trust me, it was a case of you know what and more! I totally understand and I am grateful that you have Natalie to help you manage through these things. After what i have been through, I have to say that I would rather know than not know...sooner than later, too.
There is a weird sinus infection going around here in PA where everyone I know has massive headaches and ear aches. I had a blood lab follow up today and asked the Dr. to look at my right ear for an infection and he said it was fine but to take Mucinex to ease the pressure and Tylenol for the pain. Maybe that will help you too. I would have freaked out completely if I saw the blood from your ear...so don't feel too badly...normal to be concerned.
Your brother is hysterical too! You both have a great sense of humor...and LFBO7 made me laugh right out loud! sorry about your spider bite, they are definitely poisonous! :))
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evil_twin said on Dec 12, 2007....
silver--You are right. If I did have some horrible disease, I'd need to have a more positive attitude!
uniquely--Headaches sometimes scare me too. If I get a really bad one, I'm afraid I'm having a brain aneurysm. That's panicked me a few times actually.
alls--Most of the time, I don't admit my thoughts to anyone either. I usually keep them to myself so no one thinks I'm crazier than normal. I'm glad I'm not the only one who does that! I think I'm going to live this time though.
zayda--You bring up something that I already worry about. I know I'm going to be rushing my kids to the ER every time they have a fever. I'm sure Nat will stop me from doing that, I'm going to want to!
tizzy--I can laugh about it when it's over. Because then I know I'm okay and not actually dying of a rare virus. But if someone tries to joke with me or laugh at me when I'm freaking out, I get mad. But now? It is sort of funny. I just wish I thought it was funny at the time!
quietone--It is great that I'm marrying a nurse. That's gonna help me! And I still don't really know what happened to my ear, but it's bothering me again today. I think I'm coming down with a cold.
grape--You brought cyber cooties to my blog? Shame on you!
trav--Thank you very much for that image! I actually saw a medical show about some lady who had a headache and it turned out she had parasites in her brain and they were burrowing out of her head under her hair! She was like Medusa with worms crawling around. Needless to say there is a reason why I've never left this country to travel to exotic lands! I don't need parasites in my brain!
infernal--I'm glad you don't want your money back now :-) It is scary to feel like you're dying, even when logic tells you that you're probably not. But it's amazing the symptoms you can get if you just THINK about it. It makes everything even worse! And like I said to zayda, when I have kids, I'm going to be way worse when it comes to them.
CW--I knew you'd understand. At least now anyway! I totally sympathize with you and how you are with your feet. Because I'd be the same exact way. I think it's even worse if something does happen to you, because then you're always on guard for it to happen again.
mamie--I thought you might get this! I remember your dark spot on your gums and I knew you were probably freaking just like I always do. That's why I was hoping I'd found your benign culprit so you didn't have to think the worst. I think we have something going around here too, and I'm pretty sure I have it. My throat is sore and my ear still hurts, but at least it's not bleeding anymore!
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starchini said on Dec 12, 2007....
Evil have you ever seen the movie "Joe Versus the Volcano"? When i was reading your blog it made me think of it. Tom Hanks and Meg Ryan are the main characters it a bit of an older movie but sooo funny. Tom Hanks is a hypochondriac and his Dr. was so tired of being expected to give a death sentence that he told Joe he had a "Brain Cloud" and would probably die in a few months. LMAO!!! The Dr. was trying to get him to live life to the fullest bc Joe was always so scared of dying he just hid in his apartment all day. But because of Joes Brain Cloud he decides to sacrifice his body to a volcano to save a small indian tribe with a drought. Best movie ever!You should watch it evil, God Bless MUAH!!!~Christina -
hinana said on Dec 12, 2007....
woooo im like thati get serious headaches sometimes though ..and i never thought about teh brain tumour thing omgi dotn have a problem with my temperature o.omainly cause ill start having these...hot flashes type thingthey are NOT hot flashes im still a teen tyvmbut my temperature will go up to like 104 fro no reasonand my face will get flushedand my ears will eb red o.o could that eb brain tumour related toi went through this thing of lookign at those websites that take ur symptoms or whatevers wrong with you and then give u a list of possible illnessesomg that was horrible...andim bad with teh spiders too..i swear to god i had a spiders bite once and my mum just laughed at megot to love family ehso im guess im kind of hypchodriac...ill obsess over it for a bit btu then i normally froget if it goes away..hmmm -
GracefullyGrowing said on Dec 12, 2007....
This was very humorous. Thanks!I have known several hypo's. Trust me, you're only hypochondriac-affective. 8~P~Grace~ -
evil_twin said on Dec 12, 2007....
starchini--I've never seen that movie, but it sounds funny. Brain cloud, huh? I'd probably believe I had that too if a doctor told me I did! I'll have to check it out.
hinana--Have you been checked out by a doctor for that weird temperature thing? That doesn't sound normal! Maybe it's your thyroid? I agree that doing the online symptom checker can be really horrible. Because just about every symptom CAN be something horrible!
grace--So I'm not that bad on the hypochondria scale? That's good to know!
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hinana said on Dec 12, 2007....
hmm..well it never been an issue for me, i mean my temperature will go up yes, but its basically just like being hot, even if it isnt..it doesnt make me sick or anything and as far as i know it has no effect on me...and besides if i mad ea bbig fuss about it my doctor would try to get me to get a blood tests and there is NOOOO way im letting anyone stick needles in me if its not absolutely required or necessary *shudders* -
queenparanoia said on Dec 12, 2007....
kyle i'm so sorry but i really laugh!!! not at you of course but the thngs you analyze about... ohmygod.... thank God youre marrying a nurse!!!!!
natalie: so sorry if your husband to be always freak out on little things... well at least he loves you very much... =)
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CreativeWoman said on Dec 12, 2007....
I do understand. Boy, do I ever! I know it's not good to look for things to happen, but I'm a screaming lunatic on the inside even if I don't show it outwardly.Here's a little confession for you...I take my temperature four times a day most days just so I can be sure that I have no fever. No fever means I don't infection running rampant in me. I've gone looney toons. :-)CW -
nursecutie said on Dec 12, 2007....
You poor thing!! I didn't realize how freaked out you were about your ear :( But if it was something really serious I would have definitely made you see a doctor! I might have been a little worried too if my ear started bleeding too. But as long as it wasn't alot and it stopped and now you feel ok I think it was just a blood vessel :)
I do think it's a good thing you met me though! Hopefully I'll be able to ease your fears alot of the time and you don't have to get so worried!
The spider bite thing was funny to me! I could tell your mind was working overtime though but it was nothing. Your finger is still there and you aren't dead of venenmous poison, so you're safe!
Of course now you are sick......but I'm sure it's a cold and not anything worse!
{{{hugs}}}
xxoo natalie xxoo
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evil_twin said on Dec 12, 2007....
hinana--I hate needles too. I've actually passed out before when they take blood, so they usually make me lay down first!
queen--I am a bit of a freak sometimes. Amazingly enough she still loves me too!
CW--I can honestly say that if I were you, I might do the same thing! I'd probably be worried all the time, even though I know logically, everything is fine. So I sympathize with you!
cutie--I didn't really want to freak out on the phone with you, so I was kind of glad that you didn't answer the first time! At least I got to calm down a little before I talked to you :-P I hope you can ease my fears too, and not go crazy in the process. And yes, I am sick now :-( But maybe it won't be so bad? As long as it's not fatal, I won't freak out!
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hinana said on Dec 12, 2007....
lol i dont just hate them i cant stand em..its a standing joke >.> just teh thought of them makes me feel ickyive NEVER had a blood test done..theyve never been able to make me stay concious long enough loland this one time i had a shot given in gr.6 the lady tactfully says ok im puttign it in now!' i lasted thorugh the shot..but the moment i got up i knew id pass out so i sat back down..stupid lady! -
minniemouse said on Dec 12, 2007....
Hi Kyle....I think my daughter is traveling down your path....you said you've been like this since you were little? She is 8 1/2 and her issues manifest at night, once we've said goodnight, I think she lays there and thinks about all the possible things that could happen to her. Just last night, I was tucking her into bed and she was complaining about a pain on the bottom of her foot. Well, honestly, there is ALWAYS something wrong, so I honestly really wasn't giving her the attention she wanted I guess....I looked at her foot and couldn't see anything, told her she was ok and said goodnight. She came downstairs after a couple of minutes with tears in her eyes convinced something was seriously wrong with her. We've (her father and I) have had to start being really careful about what we say when it comes to injuries and such....her father tends to over explain and give WAY to many details to things. I also have to be really careful about the TV....like you said how your parents stopped letting you watch medical shows and stuff...I've had to start being really careful about everything or we will go through a night of nightmares. For a while it was so bad, we thought she may be developing an anxiety disorder...but things seem to have subsided a little.
Wow, I didn't mean for this to be so long! Your story just really rang true with me and what my little girl is going through....thanks for sharing Kyle! :-) Minnie
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evil_twin said on Dec 15, 2007....
hinana--I think your fear of needles is even worse than mine!
minnie--You know what? I was 8 years old the first time I ever had a panic attack. Of course, I had no idea that's what it was. Neither did my parents. No one really talked about stuff like that back then. But I would get them at night, and a lot of times it would fuel my hypochondria. When you get like that, everything hurts and you can't breathe, so you freak out more and assume you're about to die. Especially when you're a little kid! So I really understand your situation with your daughter, because I was just like that.
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momsrock said on Dec 15, 2007....
ET: I have a slightly different problem with hypochondria.... my children have never gotten the usual red flags for medical conditions for example...my youngest had horrible GERD but all of his symptoms were breathing related not GI related so their doc's would test them for stuff based on the symptoms and of course they would have normal results....because something completely different was wrong with them. This would drag out of years...people around me gave me the 'hypochondriac' label and stopped listening to me, stopped testing....just blew off my concerns. When it got bad enough that other symptoms arose and they knew exactly what it was....they didn't feel bad about it. Instead of "Oh wow...I feel really bad she was right the whole time and I blew her off for a year thinking she was a hypochondriac"....they still consider me one....when I never was to begin with...and it's incredibly frustrating....I've had to have counseling because it happened with both of my children for a period of about 5 years.... So I have an idea of how you feel and although your post made me laugh, I know it isn't a laughing matter for you! And like others have said.... you have a live in nurse!! What could be better than that!! Not only can she tell you if you should be concerned or not, but if it is something...she can help! :) -
evil_twin said on Dec 15, 2007....
moms--I can totally see how that would be incredibly frustrating! I'm glad that you finally figured out what some of the symptoms meant though, so they could get the right help. And I am lucky to have a live in nurse! I think fate knew that's what I needed so that's what I got :-P
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