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The rules of PM's

travelr712 posted on Dec 11, 2007 | views: 597 | Tags: private messages, rules, pm, messages, soulcast
In the last iteration of travelr712, I wrote from a somewhat 'different' perspective. I didn't have many subscribers, I didn't have many friends, but those things were not my goal back then. Another thing I missed was private messages. In the four months that I was here, I may have gotten three or four a week, and mostly from just one person.
 
This time, I'm trying to be kinder, more open, perhaps more accepting? And after the first two weeks, I realized, I still wasn't getting pm's. But then something occured to me. I wasn't writing any either. So I started picking people who's writing I liked and subscribed to them, and I started sending them pm's. I'm making more friends. That is my goal here now, and i'm liking it. And I'm also getting pm's from several people every day. Thank you for those who have kindly returned mine, it means allot to me that you think of me during the day, enough to send me a personal message.
 
So, rule #1, at least for me, is:
 
You gotta write em to get em.
 
What are the other rules that you have regarding pm's? What are your guidelines? How do you determine who and when to send them?
 
Any and all answers are welcome.


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Comments

  • uniquely-ironic said on Dec 11, 2007....
    I don't know that there are any hard and fast rules to PMs at SC.  I generally write them to someone when I have something to say or ask that I feel would be too personal for a blog.  I enjoy getting them as well, but assume that since this site is set up for anonymous communication that this will not be my primary source for private emails.
  • evil_twin said on Dec 11, 2007....
    I always try to answer all my PM's. Sometimes I get them from people I don't know well, so I usually just answer their questions, and leave it at that. But if I have something to say to someone and it's too private to put in a comment, I'll send them a message.

    I use the PM's all the time to talk to people I know well here. Sometimes I use it like a chat feature basically. It's fun! And I use it to share things like pictures and stuff that I don't want to post publicly.

    By the way, I sent you a PM last night but I didn't hear back from you! I was waiting :-P But then again, I was busy at work today, so I might not have had much time to write back anyway. I'm sure I will talk to you later though :-)

    -evil_twin LA
  • queenparanoia said on Dec 11, 2007....
    well i lways anwer your pm's right??? =)
  • silverwhisper said on Dec 11, 2007....
    you know, i don't usually write/receive PMs here. i can go as much as a week without 'em. the people with whom i want to communicate privately generally already have my e-mail, although it occurs to me that there are a few exceptions...

    while i was always a big advocate of having PMs on SC, i find the process kinda clunky, to be honest.

    ed
  • pickersplock said on Dec 11, 2007....
    I don't know about any rules, but it always brightens my day, when I see a pm!
    Even when it's from D6fer! 
    HA!!!!
  • travelr712 said on Dec 11, 2007....
    unique - ok, rule #2, write them when things are too personal for blogs.
     
    et - you always answer mine. in fact, you're the person i was talking about in my post, that regularly pm'd me when i was here before. what would i do without you, man?
     
    qpdoll - yes you do, and you're one of the people that i was thanking in my post. so thank you :-)
     
    so et and qpdoll, rule #3, always be polite and return a pm.
     
    silver - wow! i would think that as popular as you are, your box would be full 24/7! and i agree with you that it's a bit klunky. i would like to see it with the last pm i sent attached to the reply. pt has a good system, she copies the text from the pm she gets and pastes it to the bottom of her reply. leave it to her to find the simplest, most efficient way to pm! :-)
     
    pickers - that's what i'm getting at most, i think. it's strange, i guess, but it makes me feel like i'm not just 'one of the faceless crowd here' when someone pm's me. so rule #4, do it to brighten someone's day.
  • gingersoul said on Dec 11, 2007....

    Trave.......i get my good share of PM....i love to receive them....i alway try to answer to all of them...well, maybe recently i am too busy and i am guilty of letting pass too much time ........but if you write me i will write you back...:-)

    And yes...just write them on......i use PM when i want ay something a little more personal....or simply to cheer up someone who might need a hello....

  • travelr712 said on Dec 11, 2007....
    ginger - ok, so rule #5, to cheer someone up. i'm not sure if that's the same as rule #4, but since i'm collecting the rules, i can say they're what i want them to be, right?
  • nursecutie said on Dec 11, 2007....

    I have had a few people send me messages that I was not expecting. It was a nice surprise! The very first night I arrived here Botoni sent me a very nice welcome message and I never forgot that!! It made me happy even though I didn't even know who he was at that time :)

    I will always answer all my messages but sometimes I'm late doing it b/c I don't always come here every single day. But as soon as I get it, I will try and write back.......I have only sent messages to people when I wanted to tell them that I had made some dolls for them and posted them up. Otherwise I guess I am guilty of not really thinking to send messages unless someone sends them to me first.

    xxoo natalie xxoo

  • Mr_Box said on Dec 11, 2007....

    I am afraid I owe a few people some messages. My work schedule has been very busy and I have been lacking the time to keep in touch with people here.

    But I haven't forgotten anyone. And I will get my messages out. I actually enjoy the private message feature here because that's how I get to know people better.

    I have email addresses for some people too but for some reason I still use this site for messages.

    I think it's a nice feature for when you'd like to have a conversation with someone and don't particularly want the entire website to read it. It allows for a more in depth discussion of certain topics.

     

  • PassionTraveler said on Dec 11, 2007....
    A huge rule for me:

    Since SC doesn't have sent records, nor does it copy the received message in the body when replying, PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE paste in the sender's email body when you reply, it makes it easier to remember what was said and puts your reply in context for the other person.

    PT
  • Eilan said on Dec 11, 2007....
    I don't get that many PM's here (maybe one a month?).  I kinda like it that way because I'm not a fan of unsolicited PM's from people I don't know that well, which would be most SC'ers.

    I've had less than positive experiences on another site which make me leery of PM's in general.
  • Zayda said on Dec 11, 2007....
    I don't get many PMs either, and like Eilan, I'm not a huge fan of unsolicited PMs from people I don't know. If it's someone I don't know, I will probably read it, but depending on what it is, I might not respond.


    My biggest rule for PMs is this: It's called a private message for a reason. Don't discuss what was in a PM in a public blog, forum, thread, whatever. If it's sent privately, it's meant to be private, not shared with everyone else.
  • travelr712 said on Dec 12, 2007....
    nurse - well, you've always answered mine, except the ones i inadvertantly delete :-) and you've brought up a good point. i've noticed that sc is made up of like 3/4 women, and it's not a good idea for them to 'make the first move' if you will, where personal messages are concerned. but it was nice of botoni to welcome you like that. so rule #6, if you're a woman, don't make the first move with a man you don't know.
     
    box - i agree with what you've said. i like the more personal feeling i get when someone pm's me. so rule #7, use it to get to know people better.
     
    pt - i mentioned that you did that earlier in a comment, i think it's a great idea, even though you're the only person i've done that with. rule #9, paste the last pm in the pm you're writing.
     
    eilan - yeah, that's the down side of pm's that i was getting at with rule #6. so rule #10, don't send eilan any pm's :-) (well, that's more of a guideline than a rule, i guess)
     
    zayda - hey girl, haven't seen you around much lately. how you doing? and boy do i agree with you there! if i wanted what i have to say splashed all over the site, i would have written a post about it. it's meant only for myself and the recipient. so rule #11, what happens in pm's, stays in pm's.
     
    thank you everyone who has responded so far, i'm really enjoying hearing your views and experiences with pm's. it seems we all think they're significant for one reason or another. i think that's cool.
     
     
  • fearing said on Dec 12, 2007....
    Hiya Trav!  Something I almost always do is send the PM to myself so I have a copy.  It bothers me not to be able to see what I have written.  I think E_T was the genius who suggested that to me a while back. 

    I don't talk about what is said in PMs unless someone specifically tells me to.  I try to be careful with other people's business and expect them to return the consideration. 


  • genalonewolf said on Dec 12, 2007....
    I think pms are there for just that reason, private messaging and I really don't care what they are in content. if someone wants to blow off steam and not be heard by the general population, or if someone wants to flirt without taking crap from someone else, then I say pms are the way to go. I don't get many but love em just the same!!
  • skald said on Dec 12, 2007....
    There is one special friend who sends me PM´s regularly. I am not very good at sending them my self. I do send them if I have something special to say to someone that is all. 
  • travelr712 said on Dec 12, 2007....
    fearing - and you've defined another rule. rule #12, send a copy to yourself for reference
     
    gena - rule #13, pm to flirt without taking crap. was that an invitation to me? hmmmmmmmm? ;-)
     
    skald - it's nice to get them, even if it's only from one person, isn't it?
  • CreativeWoman said on Dec 12, 2007....
    I don't get a lot of PM's myself.  I have always thought that was because I'm pretty open in my blog.  I talk about just about anything that is on my mind.  Once in a while I get a few, but not on regular basis.
     
    I really don't have any hard and fast rules about it.
     
    CW
  • skald said on Dec 12, 2007....
    Travelr. Yes sure is nice and I treasure that person a lot. We have become friends. I have made two or three other friends here and it was so unexpected for me. I just set off to write a bit here in English. I have got the Little Box. some one sent me something she made and I have also done a bit. There are pleasant things happening here. 
  • travelr712 said on Dec 12, 2007....
    cw - i'm going to compile a list of rules we've all suggested here for my next post. if you decide sometime you want to get more pm's, perhaps there will be a rule or two that might help you accomplish that.
     
    skald - i know that qpdoll got a 'little box', but i really don't understand what's going on with that. i thought it was just a gift from a friend, but it sounds more like it's something that peope here are doing for eachother. and yes, there are pleasant things happening here.
  • PassionTraveler said on Dec 12, 2007....
    Ah, so you did. Missed that. Thanks for giving me credit, Trav.

    PT
  • travelr712 said on Dec 12, 2007....
    np tp, i like to give it where it's due :-)
  • the_infernal_optimist said on Dec 12, 2007....
    I generally don't send unsolicited PMs, so I don't get a ton. The ones I do get are usually either wanting to know more about me or something I said, or requests for help along intensely personal lines. I don't have strict rules I follow, although I generally try to keep messages short and pointed if I'm the one who initiated the conversation. I do like copying to self and the idea of pasting the previous message at the bottom so the other person can track the convo better.
     
    Usually if I have more to say than fits easily into a brief PM (and I trust the person), I have other ways of contacting the recipient anyway, and I prefer to use those.
     
    ~Infernal
  • TaintedAtBirth said on Dec 12, 2007....
    I send PM's when I think it's appropriate, no rules, just right!
    Uh oh, did I break the law just then?

    I do agree that PM's are kinda like a nice surprise when you log in!
  • travelr712 said on Dec 12, 2007....
    infernal - there were some people who i knew from when i was here before, the ones i call my friends. they always commented on my posts, and new me more than just in passing. i've always thought of you as one of those people. i guess that doesn't have anything to do with pm's, but it's just something i wanted you to know.
     
    tainted - well, there aren't any rules as yet for pm's, so you can't break them. even when i've compiled a list, it'll be more of a set of guidelines at best, like, some information that people who don't know how to use it can go to find out what most people think is appropriate here. thanks for commenting on my blog :-)
  • TaintedAtBirth said on Dec 12, 2007....
    travelr

    I was just referring to the "Outback" commercials.
    "No rules, just right"?

    Hoping they don't sue me!
  • Mamie said on Dec 12, 2007....
    i really enjoy PM's and have formed some fun, rich friendships that way. It is a good  way to continue a good blog conversation with just one person. I love to send them and I love to get them. They are almost as fun as getting a letter in the mail!
  • travelr712 said on Dec 12, 2007....
  • the_infernal_optimist said on Dec 13, 2007....
    Thanks, trav. :)
     
    ~Infernal
  • mypassions said on Dec 14, 2007....
    i have made a post abt soulcast adsense..in my blog page..

    pls all members..spare few moments..to go through ..and share yur ideas...
  • genalonewolf said on Dec 14, 2007....
    pm away travelr! lol

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