• lfbno7 said on Dec 10, 2007....

  I'm not pretend but I'm reserved. I think in my recent post about masculine and feminine traits I opened up a bit.

• designedmoreforpublic said on Dec 10, 2007....

  Only a select few know the "real" me.
  I have a difficult time letting my guard down in front of people, at least face-to-face.
   
   

• nursecutie said on Dec 10, 2007....

  Some people really do want to see your whole movie, you know......I know I do. But it is hard. I am not good at doing it either. In fact I am probably worse at doing it than you are.......but just remember that sometimes the movie really IS as good as the previews!

  Love you, baby.....

  xxoo natalie xxoo

• silverwhisper said on Dec 11, 2007....

  honestly, i spent a lot of my life wearing a mask and holding back. even here, where i'm anonymous, i still hold back. and i always will.
  
  it's not b/c i have a fear of getting close to people. it's b/c i don't have the time to bring someone in all the way, to say the things that i really mean in a way that my full meaning is understood.
  
  because the only thing worse than finally being you and not being understood is being you and being completely misunderstood, wherein lies a huge difference. and when you don't take time to express yourself clearly, you only have yourself to blame for misunderstandings, IMX.
  
  i spent a lot longer i think than was wise with someone who completely misunderstood me back in the bad days. and when i finally understood who little she really did get me, no matter how good the sex was, i was finally done.
  
  i'm completely comfortable with the fact that i'm a geek and quite the doofus on occasion: to thine own self be true, and all that. so it isn't a fear of not being liked.
  
  but in addition to the lack of time: it's emotionally difficult to run on the edge like that for long. it's exhausting--at least IMX.
  
  so the masks we wear do serve a purpose, if you ask me. it's just easy to use them "off-label", as the expression goes. and like so much off-label use, that's where people run into problems, IMHO.
  
  ed

• queenparanoia said on Dec 11, 2007....

  oh wow kyle this is so fricking weird... i was thinking about this too... i'm kinda depressed lately and today  i realize it's because i was hiding the real me lately. i was actually gonna blog this. so thank you for putting words to what i'm feeling. i do feel fake sometimes... and its hard showing the real me... but dont worry i'll show the real me... =)

• destinydiva said on Dec 11, 2007....

  I think sometimes I struggle to hold back when it comes to being open and real, I sometimes  open myself up too easily. maybe I should hold some things back that I dont?
  I guess here is where my whole soul is shared, my moods my feelings my thoughts and beliefs have been laid out here. I'd say trav is the only person that has seen me as whole, good and bad, moods and annoying habits! sometimes he knew me better than I know myself, nobody has taken the time to see that much of me, is it a good thing? i'm not sure :-)
  Does it mean people in the real world only see a preview? I dont know...I guess so...   my mum doesnt know me as well as she thinks she does. my friends from school lisa and jane know pretty much everything about me, up untill the last couple of years, and I have grown a lot in those two years, so I guess they no longer really know me?  pete knows a lot about my past, good and bad, and a friend I have known since college but have only got really close to in the last few years probley knows the me I am now the most...  my beliefs and religious views I tend to hold back from telling people just cus a lot of people are skeptical, and because I dont know fully myself what I think, so I cant explain it to anyone anyway, my mind can be a scary place! I dont even let myself in on some of my thoughts lol!! :-) but generally, what you see is what you get with me. :-)  very thought provoking post evil! I probley make very little sense lol!!  its way too early to think clearly :-) xx
  

• Mamie said on Dec 11, 2007....

  well what a great post!
  I started off pretend for all the reasons you suggested. Then I decided to get real. I let in special people and it was all a good show for a while. Then the movie goers got bored, or disenchanted or something that I don't know and they started throwing their popcorn at the screen.
  So I am not really real anymore. Sad, but true.

• Mr_Box said on Dec 11, 2007....

  There are very few people who know the real me. It's just not something I share freely with anyone.

  My wife knows me. And I'd have to say that you know me, Kyle. But that's about it.

  The rest of me is a bit of a mystery to everyone else. The main reason for that is that I don't want to be vulnerable to other people.

  If they know what makes me tick, they can hurt me if they want to. And I won't let them.

  There are also quite a few people out there who I know would not understand me. My beliefs, the way I live my life, my thoughts. So I choose not to share those sides of me with most people.

  But there does come a time when you have to show someone what you're hiding. It is scary to do so.

  But I've found that when you choose to show yourself to someone who loves you, they are far more forgiving and understanding than you'd ever expect.

  The world doesn't always need to know everything. But certain people do. The trick is choosing the right ones to share it with.

   

• travelr712 said on Dec 11, 2007....

  this is a great post et! i mean, how often do you get silver to write more than one sentence?
   
  another shakespear quote - "all the world's a stage and we are mearly players". we are taught from a very young age 'not to wear our heart on our sleave'. it can be very dangerous if you let some people really know what you think and feel, they will use it as a means of controlling and manipulating you. we all must have our defenses against those we do not know and should not trust. and you're right, one of the hardest things in life to do is to let those defenses down for someone that we should. ain't life a trip? :-)

• allswell said on Dec 11, 2007....

  Reading this made me think...Who is the "real" me? and well...i don't know who i am anymore, but i am trying to find myself. I feel like a different person all the time and sometimes look in the mirror thinking "who the hell is that" I've lost myself but i'm on the road trying to find "me" again.  I think in the end i will like who i find...at least i hope so!

  I had to laugh at the movie thing...i have that happen all the time it looks so good from the previews and then the movie sucks...if you think  about it people are like that you think they are so perfect untill you get to know them better and then realize they suck....lol!

  alls:) 

• evil_twin said on Dec 11, 2007....

  lfbno--I think a lot of people are reserved. I'll have to go read your post.
  
  designed--I'm pretty much the exact same way.
  
  cutie--I know you want to see the whole show :-) And I'm trying! But you're right, you are even more of a vault than I am. It's hard work being open and real, isn't it? That seems like it would be easier than pretending, but it's not. Maybe eventually it does get easier though? I love you too...
  
  silver--I do think it takes a lot of time and energy to explain yourself and make sure that people are understanding you. So I usually just leave out the complicated bits of myself too. I was with someone who never understood me either and it is a sucky revelation when you realize they never will. But I think for me, part of the challenge is understanding myself first, so I can actually explain it to someone else. That's what I struggle with.
  
  queen--Sometimes it's easier to show the real you here at SC. But sometimes it's not. Because a lot of things just seem too personal to share, don't they? At least you know you're not alone in pretending sometimes. We all do it.
  
  destiny--I think that the key is holding back a little with certain people. You have to really trust a person in order to share everything. And that can sometimes take a lot of time. But I think that you do a good job of showing who you really are here at SC. Real life is a lot scarier because you have to see those people. I think that you and I are in a similar place where we don't quite understand ourselves yet, so it's even more difficult to explain it to someone else.
  
  Mamie--I'm sorry that you feel like you can't be real anymore. I do know the feeling. There have been people who I have chose to let in and apparently they wanted their money back too. It makes it a lot scarier to ever try and show someone the movie again.
  
  Mr. Box--You're right. The world doesn't really need to know everything. But it does become difficult to open up to the right people, when you're so used to shutting those sides of yourself down. I think that many people think they know what makes me tick, and do try to hurt me with it, but they only know part of it. If they knew it all, I'd be doomed. So that's why I do hold back.
  
  trav--Sometimes it's hard to know who to trust, isn't it? I think we've all trusted the wrong person at times in our life. And that just makes it even more difficult to let go. I'm working on it!
  
  

• evil_twin said on Dec 11, 2007....

  alls--I think a lot of us are guilty of losing ourselves. And then one day you wake up and realize you don't remember who the real you is. And people are exactly like movie previews, aren't they? It was a thought I had and I realized it was very true!

• tizzygirl said on Dec 11, 2007....

  I liked this post very much.  I completely understand what you are saying.  I'd hate to say that I am pretend but I suppose by the definition there I am.  It's not that the side I show to everyone is false, it's just that it doesn't even touch the real me on so many levels.  I know that I don't show myself to many people really, and even those who I do I have a hard time comprehending that they understand.  I mostly think the only person who knows the real me is me.  Maybe that's not true but it feels that way an awful lot.  Luckily though I'd have to say I haven't lost myself.  I've come dangerously close a few times but I do know who I am and I like that person.  I just wish that maybe I could share it more.  But like boxy pointed out most people don't need to see it all and you do have to weed out the ones that are worth the risk of showing your true self to.  Sometimes it just seems there are so few, and it is really scary.

• uniquely-ironic said on Dec 11, 2007....

  I don't think I've ever pretended to be someone I'm not.  At least not on purpose.  I have and currently do not reveal the entirety of myself to any one person.  I obviously have issues trusting that any one person on earth would understand the chaos and complexity that defines who I am.
   
  I don't think it's weird to not show the whole of me to one person because no one person could understand me.  I think we have friends, lovers, family, and others in our lives because they fit certain parts of our personality.  They are there to deal with that portion and that portion alone.
   
  It's just my theory, so maybe I'm wrong.

• blastfromthepast said on Dec 11, 2007....

  U.I., I like your theory.  It makes sense because we are so complex in our makeup (pardon the pun).  I believe that life's experiences play a major role (pardon the pun, again) in shaping us into who we really are, and that with each experience we discover more about ourselves.  I would go on, but I just had a brain fart and need to take a nap.
   
  Great post, as usual, ET!

• travelr712 said on Dec 11, 2007....

  et - and you're doing a fine job, as far as i'm concerned.

• Eilan said on Dec 11, 2007....

  What I post, both here and at my other online haunt, is genuine, but I do hold back. If I took the mask(s) off, both online and IRL, everyone would hate me.

• PassionTraveler said on Dec 11, 2007....

  I think with me, you get the whole movie, although not at once. It unfolds normally. I do have two sides to my personality. As a Gemini, that's to be expected, but it's not from hiding. It's just I have my playful, emotional, painful, joyous personal side, and I have my formal professional side, but even at work, I'm very open, down-to-earth... I've been described as Raw by those that get to know me.
  
  Other than holding back personal things (that online predators might abuse), I've always said I'm an open book. Ask, I'll likely tell you.
  
  PT
  

• wakingharmony said on Dec 11, 2007....

  Wow! great Post & replies!!! made me forget what i was going to say... I guess i am what I say...sometimes I have a hard time really geeting people to understand the real depth of somethings And I belive that as far as guys here go lfbno, et  & sw have the best clues as to who Iam even at a deeper level.  Most guys dont get that deep but these are a few  I see (sure there are more, just saying that they can read me).....Nat you are so very lucky & you know it & so very smart! sws' mrs. is lucky too and I think lfbnos' wife knows what she has too now.

• beyondtheveil said on Dec 11, 2007....

  evil_twin- It is only reasonable, I believe, to be somewhat reserved around other people. Have you ever heard someone say "don't ask that person how they are, they will tell you?"
  
  The question to most we ask "how are you" is primarily politeness and to answer "fine" is politeness returned. And I would suggest most would like to answer with fine, whether its true or not.
  
  Our "true" selves is world within its own, reserved for the very few, and released to the very few, if that. It is a world that is safe as we can make it, sometimes providing the only security we have. It holds our deepest secrets, our deepest desires, and the trust to be true to ourselves. Its our world, the only one we can call our own.
  

• ninjapirate said on Dec 11, 2007....

  I have alway always had issues with this, I swear forever it seems that this sort of stuff has bothered me and it still does of course!  In some ways I have come to acceptance of things like answering to "how are you?" which you're right it's just polite to say fine.  Here I try to be very honest with myself and I hope that I am being the real me, but always had issues with that too.  Sadly, in most all my relationships with people I don't think anyone really knows the real me and it's always been like that.  I would hope to change that one day, I really do, but I am honest on here and I like that it's a start. 

• TaintedAtBirth said on Dec 11, 2007....

  I suppose I'm one of few that really don't have a great deal of concern for others opinions of me.
  Here I be!
  Not to say that I don't occasionally fib a bit (or act) to not hurt someone's feelings or to avoid unloading on a friend with a torrential downpour of all my life's problems, but I'm  pretty straightforward.
  
  Anyone that takes the time to get to know me at all will soon understand this and respond accordingly.
  Pretty much what you see is what you get, I won't pretend to have a similar opinion  if I don't and likewise won't vehemently oppose someone just because we have differing views.
  
  Is that confusing enough?
  

• the_infernal_optimist said on Dec 11, 2007....

  I lived for seventeen years in various masks almost 24/7- it's not fun realizing that you don't know who you are without them.

  I dislike wearing masks, and I limit that mostly to when I'm angry or disappointed - sometimes a quick mask is worthwhile to avoid causing hurt, you know? Otherwise, I think I'm pretty open. If I'm frustrated, you'll read that in my eyes (or on my blog). If I'm happy, everyone around me will know it. :) I don't pretend to be someone I'm not, and I don't fall into the popular waves of angst/stoicism. (Anyone else notice that? Sometimes it's "in" to be all emo, and sometimes it's just not cool to admit that you feel anything at all. :-p Screw that.)

  When I get close to somebody, as I have with a few people here, I feel driven to share everything I withhold in general, those things that are (IMO) grounds for rejection. Might as well get it all out there, let people see the raw, unedited me, past and present, so that if there's anything that'd make them push me away, we get it over with before the friendship gets any more important than it already is.

  It irks me when people try to hide things, or put on a pretty mask for my benefit, because most of the time I like the person underneath better anyway, and there's almost nothing that would make me turn away or wipe my respect for somebody I've come to like and trust. I do understand some of what makes people do that, though, so I guess I should let go of that irritation when it happens.

  For what it's worth, I have a system to avoid the lie of simple responses to "How are you?" - I usually say "I'm doing well, thank you" unless I'm not. In that case, only those close to me understand that my use of the word "fine" means I'm definitely not ok. Nobody's required to follow up on it, and I'm not really lying, given that I put that other meaning into the word. ;-)

  ~Infernal

• polarheart said on Dec 11, 2007....

  Twinny, I try to be as real as possible because I wore a mask for a very long time and it had a very bad effect on me and my life.  Litterally I lost myself and became something that was not me.  When you wear a mask for so long eventually you will lose yourself.  Been there, done that, have the scars!
   
  The only time I really have a bit of a cover now is at work. . .I suppose because I dont want people to see how shit scared I am of making a mistake. . .because I want to look like "I can handle it".  But the truth is (as you know) I was only able to have that mask for a period. . .at least now I have admitted to them how stressed I really do get.  Do I feel any worse for admitting it?  No, I feel a lot better.
   
  I would rather be real and disliked by some than unreal and dislike myself in the end.

• buckrogers said on Dec 11, 2007....

  We all play roles because we live in a culture that really doesn't know itself. We have to be fathers, mothers, brothers, sisters, uncles, aunts, which, playing those roles, is perfectly acceptable. To be perfectly truthful, you'd have to hurt people's feelings unnecessarily. Isn't a first impression is very important to getting to know others?
  Our culture is a game and we dress up as doctors, longshoremen, teachers, executives, salespersons, and mechanics. We play the roles without question...as if what we do is real. The fact is, we are humans with various degrees of talent, who need food, water, clothing and shelter, and we spend our time procuring those things in various styles of fineness...in elegance or as slobs.
  But when our bodies are laid out on a slab in a morgue, we are all the same: flesh and bone decaying into nothing. If you know what kept that flesh and bone as a person, then you know who that person really was.

• Me-Myself&I said on Dec 11, 2007....

  what you see is what you get. the only pretending i do is pretending all is well. i have always been like that. but i do that to make it so. this can backfire too. but most of the time it helps me to keep my cool while my wheels turn and i sort things out.

  no one in this whole wide world knows the deepest parts of me.....

  good post!  take care **smile**     see ya

   

• callingyou said on Dec 11, 2007....

  i liked this.
  SOOOO true.
  well, I can be like that, too.  Unless I'm around someone who I'm comfortable with people get the impression that I'm shy.  I'm not shy at all, it's just that I sometimes feel comfortable enough to let the goofy side of me come out and say something that either the people love or hate... and if I suspect that they think I'm just really strange, then I act quiet around those people and I'm not myself.  Because of this crazy little thing I've created...there's many impressions of me... "that  silly  girl who is very comfortable with herself"  "that quiet sensitive girl"  "that immature weird girl"  I guess I'm all of them...
  

• Alyss said on Dec 11, 2007....

  In many respects I am a wysiwyg person but I do hide behind masks. I have had to to survive but I am gradually learning to set them aside. What I post is genuine but I do hold back in what I share.

• skald said on Dec 11, 2007....

  Kyle I am just me and you get what you see but I don't always tell strangers everything. It is not because I am pretending. It is not their busyness and I don't want to burden them either.
  
  Only a stupid man tells all he is thinking.
  

• seethrough said on Dec 11, 2007....

  You're blog captured my attention and I shut my television off within seconds. I've been putting off studying and will get to that soon enough. I definitely related to what you wrote. I can turn the politeness on when strangers come around or just everyday acquaintances. I've found that if you answer with something other than the "I'm fine." They will instantly become uncomfortable and try to get out of there as quickly as possible. They don't want to hear the truth. I think it's become a survival technique. If people really wanted to know the truth, they wouldn't be able to handle the brunt of it. "How are you?" is not an easy answer, it's rather extensive for me. Sometimes I catch myself wanting to say the truth, but I know I will alienate them so why bother? There are only two people I can go when I really need to express the truth, but they are usually wrapped up in their own problems. So most of the time its just me. That's why I write and part of the reason I started coming here.

• evil_twin said on Dec 11, 2007....

  tizzy--Sometimes it really is hard to comprehend that another person might actually understand you. But I guess if we never give anyone the chance, we'll never really know for sure.
  
  uniquely--So there really isn't any one person in your life that knows everything about you? I've never pretended to be something I'm not, but I definitely take care to try and show people only the good parts I like. So in essence, what you see, is only a part of what you get.
  
  blast--Thank you. I do think that all of our life experiences shape who we are too. It's just a matter of knowing when to keep those life experiences quiet or let them out once in awhile, that's a challenge.
  
  trav--Thank you :-)
  
  Eilan--Sometimes I think the very same things about myself too.
  
  PT--It's good that you're very comfortable revealing sides of yourself if someone should ask you. I'm like that with certain things. But there are other things I just don't share freely with anyone. And it's a chore for me to change that.
  
  waking--I'm glad you feel like I'm one of the people who understand you! That makes me happy :-)
  
  beyond--That was exactly my point that no one really wants to know how a person is when they ask. But occasionally, in a relationship, the person asking the question wants to know. And then it becomes difficult to retrain yourself to actually tell the truth.
  
  ninja--I don't think I've ever really shown all of myself in past relationships either. I think that's why I'm struggling to try and change that now.
  
  tainted--I think that it's good you're not hung up on stuff like that. It definitely makes you a different person than a lot of us. But that's good.
  
  infernal--I think it's great that you're compelled to share freely with those you trust and want to let in. For me, it's sometimes harder to do that. Because the more I care about a person, the more I want them to like me. And therefore I tend to hold back a lot more because I'm afraid of what I might lose if I don't. I don't know what anyone else's motivations might be, but that's usually why I put on my 'good' face for people.
  
  polar--You make a lot of sense. Wearing a mask is a hard thing to keep up doing, without losing yourself. I guess that's why it's important to have certain people in your life that you feel completely comfortable with being your true self, warts and all.
  
  buck--I understand that when you first meet a person, you don't want to tell them too much. But since we're conditioned to do that as a means of being polite, it sometimes becomes harder to be honest when you're with someone that does want to see what you're about inside.
  
  M-M&I--No one knows your deepest parts? I guess then it's okay sometimes to keep certain things locked up.
  
  callingyou--I guess we all have different persona's we project, depending on who we're around. But in the end, they're all part of us.
  
  alyss--I'm pretty much the same way. I don't pretend to be something I'm not exactly, but I do hold back a lot. Here and in my regular life.
  
  skald--I definitely don't tell strangers everything. But when it comes to the people that matter, I guess I would like to be more open.
  

• evil_twin said on Dec 11, 2007....

  seethrough--I can totally relate to what you're saying. No one really wants to know the truth. Of course strangers don't, but even some of our friends too. They ask, but they don't want to know. So we condition ourselves to always shut that part of ourselves away. And for me, it becomes difficult to unlock it around the people who actually matter. I'm glad you liked this post :-) I hope you like it here at Soulcast!

• RollingC said on Dec 11, 2007....

  wow....this is a good post.  Life is nothing more than a stage really...from one perspective it's just that as with the rules of society and good manners you act one way and there is a response to your action but that sometimes leaves something to be desired as you realize that it's too shallow and there has to be more to it than that.
  You keep wondering if the real person (or his/her feelings) are there to begin with.
  Like Silver said it takes awhile and sometimes too long, specially when it's a wasted act on someone you realize is not dealing you the truth and therefore not a decent relationship that is worth the time and trouble to continue.
  
  People are like onions....with multiple layers to their personalities and it takes awhile to get to the center or core.
  
  Sometimes it's just not worth the effort and then again sometimes it is.  If there was some kind of formula or behavior that was more direct and cut to the bone from the start (without hurting feelings) I'm sure that many of us would be using that more often.  Some people are very private and that wouldn't work with them.
  The middle ground is more desirable if you can find it... as getting too personal all the time would be somewhat boring or at least people wouldn't want to watch that particular movie again and start throwing the popcorn at the screen like Mamie was saying.
  I've found that honesty is the best policy but the information that I give out....albeit truthful...is somewhat limited at times mostly because of lack of time or space to provide the full story.
  Good post Evil...
  Rc
  

• evil_twin said on Dec 11, 2007....

  rollingC--I'm glad you liked this post. I find that with certain people, I'll share certain things more easily than others. But a lot of things, like you said, there just isn't enough time to really get into it. So I tend to keep a lot to myself. And it does get tricky sometimes when you want to share those things, and are just not used to doing it. And I agree that some people are more worth the time to get to know than others.

• lampshade said on Dec 11, 2007....

  I do tend to present myself as happy, confident, and experienced, and I think I'm really the exact opposite.  What you see on this site is the real me.  I'm lonely and inexperienced and I lack self confidence.  I put on an act because I'm not going to get anywhere in my life going around complaining about how I'm lonely and have no clue what I'm doing.  I'm pretty honest if you ask me, though.  One of my friends randomly said "don't you get lonely living by yourself?" and I think she was expecting a "oh its not that bad" but I gave a pretty honest "yes, I'm lonely" answer.

• callingyou said on Dec 11, 2007....

  i think i kind of had an epiphany tonight though...haha, i opened up to some people..and they didn't hate me... i actually could relate with a lot of them, and some even invited me to hang out friday.. :] so maybe, being yourself isn't so bad 

• evil_twin said on Dec 11, 2007....

  lampshade--I present myself to people in person as a happy, confident guy with a great sense of humor. And that's me. But it's not all of me. That's just the best part of me, so that's what I want people to see. I guess we all do that in order to be liked. If we didn't present our best selves to the world, then probably no one would ever talk to us.
  
  callingyou--Recently I've opened myself up to a few select people in my life. And I told them some things I'd never told anyone before. And it did feel kind of good. And they didn't hate me either. But it was still scary for me, because I think I'm still waiting for them to change their mind, and demand that refund. I'm glad you found some people you could be real with!
  

• callingyou said on Dec 11, 2007....

  It is scary... but the fact that they didn't hate you is a good sign... and if it takes you a lot to open up...then you're making progress :]

• evil_twin said on Dec 12, 2007....

  callingyou--I am making progress. Thanks :-)

• beyondtheveil said on Dec 12, 2007....

  ET- I agree, that in relationships the people want to know and it can be difficult to let out. But in a relationship such as marriage it becomes important to let them in, at least as far as you can. In your marriage, your wife will want to know you, and you her.
  
  As your love grows, the words should grow also. Everyone needs someone to trust and let that safe world be shared, by the both of you. It doesn't spread you apart, it brings you closer together.
  

• skald said on Dec 12, 2007....

  Kyle then we are alike in that aspect. Good for us lol 

• cntlvmenuf said on Dec 12, 2007....

  I mos def wear different coats for different people...as most of the commentors have said its mainly because some people cannot be bothered with the whole you and I dont want to be vulnerable to others. Another reason is there are some things about me I am working on understanding so I don't feel comfortable sharing those aspects of me just yet. And other things people do not need to know. You know I was thinking I have different friends who meet different needs.... I have to know who to talk to about what and such.... so on the flip side I have to know what coats people expect me to wear and when. And then the whole thing about first impressions....some people just get stuck on those and runaway with them. But it'd be so much easier if we all got off on the right footing.
  I am still learning to share myself though...it's easier said than done....and sometimes I prefer not to rock the boat.
   

• evil_twin said on Dec 12, 2007....

  beyond--You're absolutely right. It is very important to let you wife (or future wife in my case) in. That's been a problem for me that I'm working on. And so far, it's been a lot less scary than I imagined in my head. It is great to have a person you love and trust and you can share anything with them, and still feel safe.
  
  skald--Yes, good for us!
  
  cntlvmenuf--I suppose you're right. Different people in our lives seem to understand different parts of us. So it is important to know what they expect of you, before you decide to share. I'm still learning about myself too, so I understand that it's a work in progress!
  

• freesexadvisor said on Dec 13, 2007....

  Most want to know everything about what it might be like living with another person.  If your mom and pop tell you it's a big mistake, your friends think it's crazy, and you don't hear a word, then you are only hearing that voice of lust that tells you

  it's all going to be so perfect, never mind her six kids by three fATHERS, your little beer drinking problem, your three jobs in

  a year at home depot, etc; her insistance on a BIG wedding, cause, " I never had one, I wanna big wedding."

  People get mad at me cause I say what I see, not to be mean, and not because I want your girl for myself-- It's just that these

  things rarely work out. Take a week or two and move in together. Will she still love you when she finds you are still wetting the bed? What about the snoring?  the lack of showers?  Having your friends over to your travel trailer for sleep overs?

  Can you handle it when the kid in diapers, yes, that's the one, the twelve year old, bangs his head on the wall for two hours?

  Or the one with hair only on one side of her head comes at you with a hammer... Were you being honest about your being in

  finishing school and you ride your own horse in shows?

  I love people just the way they are. Amusing, dramatic, creative(especially about their past).

  Don't make that mistake. They will steal your looks and

  your youth and leave you hanging in that walk up, and waddya

  got? You ain't got nutthin.

• evil_twin said on Dec 14, 2007....

  advisor--I'm not really sure I understood what your comment was supposed to be about, but it doesn't really apply to my life. If those situations you described are things people hide, then I can definitely see why they'd want to hide them.

• TaintedAtBirth said on Dec 15, 2007....

  FSA
  
  The mask thing might not be such a bad idea!
  
  Know what I mean?
  
  :)
  

• gingersoul said on Dec 15, 2007....

  Kyle......often people tells me that i am mysterious.....i keep it as a compliment ...but i think that what they probably intend is that i am reserved and willing to open only to few ones......i have friends that i know by 20 years and dont have the phantom idea who i really am.....and people with whom i shared some deep layers of myself with with no effort after one hour ....

  So i think its just a matter of mutuality...i react to people the way people reatcs to me...i am in this new work enviroment where i see this behavior at work...there are people i clicked with immediately and who, after few weeks, already know something about me....they are the ones who take the time to observe, the ones who wants to know and ask.......people usually don't ask you anything...or they talk about themselves or they talk about nothing..

  Then there are few ones i am intrigued to know but they keep their distance due to their on personality and reasons....

  People is constantly putting up masks..its hurtful to wear our souls on our sleeves....it is a magnet for sorrow and disappointment...

  I am not shy but reserved.....i am open and  approachable but it takes a while for you to know me deeper....i dont let everybody know me in that way...

  People says i am extremely confident, easy going, upbeat, chatting, gregarious.....who really knows me deep down would smile.......i found out that its easier for me to be accepted if i am the first one to smile and approach people.....i am quite daring in this....but the majority dont like to open up.....confrontations can be stressful......

  better for them living in their own littel shell....so i let them live in it...:-)

• evil_twin said on Dec 16, 2007....

  ginger--I think you're right about saying that you react to people the way they react to you. If someone is really open and honest with me, I tend to feel comfortable being the same way with them. But it does take awhile for the average person to really know me well. I usually keep everything very light and on the surface. That's the best part of me anyway.

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