Well, as some of you might remember, my first trip to an adult store was quite the experience.... So when a friend of mine decided to have an in home party, I was more open to the idea of shopping for such things....safety in numbers right??
Well...at first glance it looked like any other type of home party...a group of nice, respectable women, a table of snacks and a few drinks.... Even part of the display table could have passed for a Mary Kay party with all the creams and lotion bottles....but this was definitely no Mary Kay party!! In fact, it took less than 30 seconds to make me blush!! Wow...I had no idea there were so many products, flavors, books and "accessories".... some were funny, some a little scary....and some were just dirty!
First there was the Hide A Vibe Pillow. I might not have a little friend that I need to hide, but I could use a place to store a few snacks! How nice would it be to just unzip my pillow for a brownie instead of walking all the way to the kitchen in the middle of the night!!
Then there were the lotions, potions, sprays and powders. Ex-T-Cee? Nympho Niagra? X-Scream? Lickity Stiff?? Wtf!! How would you work all that into the foreplay? "Oh can you stop for a minute?....I need to apply the sensitizer....and the stimulator....and the heightener.... and wait 5-10 minutes for them to work so you're going to need the Lickity Stiff...."
Oh and who doesn't love the cozy cuffs, love swing and sex sling! Wow...how could you even think about swinging on the "love swing" after eating all those different lotions! It makes my stomach turn just thinking about it! I think spewing chunks of Luscious Cherry Lickity Stiff would kill the mood! But if you timed it right, and let it go on the upswing....it might hit the wall instead of his head and pillow....
The names of the "accessories" cracked me up! Flipper? Seriously? Wtf... Even if I wasn't terrified of sea creatures....I don't think I could enjoy anything named Flipper!! And Lean Machine?? Has she met any one at the party??? "Lean Machine" just isn't going to cut it with this group!!! She should have brought a case of that "Like a Virgin" vaginal tightening cream instead.....
While flipping through the catalog, I noticed a few "accessories" were made of glass! Does that scare anyone else? How would explain that in the emergency room? How would they stitch that area?? Or is this where the sex sling comes in? Forget the stirrups....I brought my own!! Maybe the vibrating butt plug would shake all those little slivers of glass out....wtf....
It's great that there are a variety of flavors for every product....but why can't you get all the products in the same flavor? Aren't we trying to discourage the "buffet" mindset?!!! And who in their right mind came up with the perky nipple stuff without something to help the rest of the boobs? Who the hell wants perky nipples when their boobs sag to their waist! "Excuse me ma'am...are those perky nipples or an outie belly button?" wtf...
Is it me? Do I just think too much? I bought an "adult" product for the first time in my life but I'm not exactly sure if most of the other products were really for me....
