I’m prompted to write this after reading stopmediabias’s piece 

“Is Marriage a Right or  Privilege."  I happen to have a gay sibling and I choose to speak about this in strictly personal terms.  I can’t for the life of me ever see my gay brother marrying anyone!!  This brother of mine can’t get along with me for 5 minutes and I consider myself fairly sweet and non-threatening.  There is a seven year age difference so I understand that my entire family views me as “the stupid baby.”  My previous quietness hasn’t done anything to dispel this view. 

In recent years, I have had to speak up and tell darling brother “You are NOT going to talk to me like that!!!” thus the deterioration of the relationship as if there were any in the first place.  I must go on to say that my parents separated and divorced when I was 9 & my brother was 16.  From that time, I lived with another family then my mother then my father for my entire life.  After age 8 I didn’t live with my brother I didn’t have contact with him.  I really wonder how he thinks he can even call me family because we haven’t had the interactions that I think most families have.  This brother has treated me very cruelly and my mother just goes along with it.  In most cases she sides with him.  I’ve had to distance myself from both of them.   There is no “working it out.”  In my view, this brother of mine doesn’t have the emotional intelligence or maturity to have any relationship and he has none.  There’s also a racial component.  My adoptive brother is half African-American and half Caucasian but he looks strictly Caucasian.  My mother’s sister has invited my brother to her family events but not me and my mother and brother think there’s nothing wrong with that.  I think the truth of the matter is they don’t have enough balls to point out the wrong in that.  They’d rather gloss over it or pretend that it’s not a slight to me.

I know that not all gays are like my brother.  I live in a community that is very liberal and there are many gays.  I don’t know personally of any gay men who’ve had wedding ceremonies.  My father went to a gay wedding decades ago he said they had purple curtains in the trees. I was shocked to hear my brother say that he felt my father didn’t accept him because he’s gay.  No, my father doesn’t accept him because he’s a total ass!

Just this past week I saw an episode of “Whose Wedding Is It Anyway.”  These two men were getting married in their back yard in Atlanta.  I was struck by the cute young guy’s attitude towards his mother.  He was in the back yard trying to hide some brick with sticks.  His mother bent down to help and he scolded her for not doing it right and she told him he needed to calm down.  He went on to tell her “#1 you don’t need to tell me to calm down.”  She got up and went back inside.  This is what I’m talking about.  I understand that at wedding time most brides/grooms tend to lose it with their family but I think this interaction illustrates a special kind of cruelty that I’ve seen expressed in my own family by my brother towards my mother.  He does it time and time again and she just sulks off or she’ll yell back.  I wish you could have experienced those heartwarming family times at their household!  If I were my mother I would tell my son “#1 YOU really need to adjust the way you talk to me!  I know you’re upset but that does not give you the right to talk to me in that manner.”  If he couldn’t adjust then I’d have to withdraw from any further situations.  I know that straight siblings may act this way with their parents but since that’s not what I’ve been exposed to I can’t talk about it. 

I think that specifically gay men who want to get married want to live or act out a fantasy.  They want the fantasy of being straight and having a “mainstream” life.  I do know of gay women who live together and raise children.  This is entirely a different situation.  These women want to come together to raise a family.  I can’t say that the majority of gay men I know want to settle down and raise babies!  I’m so glad that I found this blog online

lathefamily This gay couple has seen fit to adopt Emma, an African-American little girl.  They adopted her when she was a baby.  These two men have done so much for this little girl!!! These men have surpassed anything that my adoptive parents have done.  These men have picked up on the importance of Emma’s self esteem and they’ve gone to hair dressers and made an effort to learn how to deal with Emma’s hair.  My own mother had my hair chopped off shortly before the divorce because she didn’t want to deal with my hair.  I can’t even tell you what that does to a young African-American girl’s psyche.  I had to suffer with being called a boy even though I wore a “Supergirl” t-shirt all summer!  I remember it was picture day and I saw my nappy afro in the mirror at school.  Anyway back on subject these two men are to be commended for what they’re doing for this little girl.  I can’t even say how proud I am and how lucky I think Emma is. 

Emma’s already travelled the world with her Daddies’!  Do a search for the April 01, 2003 post Emma’s in Prague.  I do think that these two men need to be careful and not go overboard with Emma it would be very easy to turn her into a self absorbed, spoiled brat.  I hope this doesn’t happen.  I also hope that other African-Americans don’t poison Emma’s mind against her two daddies.  These men have done what hundreds and thousands of potential adoptive parents have refused to do.  Many refuse to cross the racial line.  I can honestly say if you don’t plan on doing your adoption any justice like these two gay men have done than I agree with you leave the African-American children alone.  It’s very lonely to grow up in a family that rejects you and refuses to stand up for you against other family members. 

Am I for gay marriage?  If the men involved have the sensibilities that Emma’s daddies have than I say why not?  I think the two men who adopted Emma are LIVING the fantasy of a marriage that a lot of gay and straight people aspire to.  Good luck to all of them!