• silverwhisper said on Aug 01, 2006....

  people are afraid to be individuals. there's a fear that comes i think of not letting yourself be wrapped up w/ a label: a fear of...good grief, who knows? non-acceptance? ostracism? it's all horribly stupid, of course. ed

• hunter_boyce_chandler said on Aug 01, 2006....

  Back in the distant Hippie days of my undergraduate psychobabble, I seem to remember something called Cooley’s Looking Glass Self. The theory (someone correct me if I've screwed it up) goes like this: People tend to be what they perceive others think they are. Another way to put it is, the image we believe others see in us becomes a self fulfilling prophesy in that we unconsciously do everything we can to reinforce it until it is true. I sort of am the personification of this theory. Ten years ago I managed a manufacturing staff of 60 people and workforce of 700. I was shaven, short haired, golf shirted and khaki’d. I was miserable. Then one day I was told that I was really an insubordinate man by nature. I took it as a complement, said hell yes, quit, grew hair, made bread, got hippy again and lived happily ever after.

• Lyra said on Aug 01, 2006....

  I agree. Labels, tags makes for a one dimensional people.

• Zayda said on Aug 01, 2006....

  In way, I think Hunter is right, people pretend to be what others think they are. They do this in order to fit in, to be accepted, and to avoid making waves. I find that I am both what people perceive and not what they perceive. Sometimes, I choose to be what people perceive. For instance, I choose to fit a certain mold when I am in front of my classroom because fitting that mold is appropriate for the situation. Thus, many of my students are taken aback if they come across me outside the classroom, my office, or the university campus. In those settings, I am the pulled together instructor (usually in a suit or some type of dress clothes) who commands their attention with my presence. Outside the classroom I am this tattooed woman in jeans and a t-shirt with my hair in a ponytail. It honestly takes more than a few minutes for many of them to recognize me outside the classroom, and I'm more than okay with that. And I am perfectly comfortable transitioning from one image to the other because those labels/perceptions are all part of me, but neither of them is SOLELY who I am.

• silverwhisper said on Aug 02, 2006....

  hunter, comments like yours are what i dig about you, man. ed

• JadeLondon said on Aug 02, 2006....

  What is most unfortunate about your story is that you lost your friend to that change. The really depressing part is that she thought it was a good idea. I wonder if she has any concept of what a good friend that she lost in you (for you must be to see through the facade that she erected for others to see). At least you aren't trying to succumb to being labelled according to other people's standards. Good job on remaining strong.

• Alyss said on Aug 02, 2006....

  [COLOR=DarkOrchid]We all have different facades that we present to the people around us, it is how we fit in and get along with the rest of the world. I am facets of all the different perceptions people have of me. To my colleagues I am a damn fine manager and professional. To my children I am 'the best Mum they have ever had' (their words not mine). To my family I am daughter, sibling, cousin. To my husband I am wife. But to my real friends I am simply me...[/COLOR]

• IFMU said on Aug 02, 2006....

  This is one thing I have to admit, I have never fully understood. I cant say why, but I just dont get it. :shrug: For me, as far back as I can remember, I have always been me. When I was in school/junior and high, I wore what I wanted to wear, did what I wanted to do and quite honestly, didnt give a s*** what anyone else said or thought about it. I was labeled a 'stoner/hippie', but you know what? I never touched the drugs that were hugely prevailent with everyone I was around. I didnt have to deal with the peer pressure so many others did. They offered, I said no, they moved along. I just dont get it, why be someone youre not? Ive always liked this.... [quote]When you get all you want and you struggle for self, and the world makes you king for a day, then go to the mirror and look at yourself and see what that man has to say. For it isn't your mother, your father or wife whose judgement upon you must pass, but the man, whose verdict counts most in your life is the one staring back from the glass. He's the fellow to please, never mind all the rest. For he's with you right to the end, and you've passed your most difficult test if the man in the glass is your friend. You can fool the whole world, down the highway of years, and take pats on the back as you pass. But your final reward will be heartache and tears if you've cheated the man in the glass. [/quote] Granted, I like it and agree with it, just wish I could abide by it more than I do. lol

• anonymous said on Aug 02, 2006....

  Hi - I think you guys would like the test at ||{1}|| -there's a section on self perception, labels, and how things like your childhood 'roles' influence your personality for good.

• schreist said on Aug 03, 2006....

  It's about that search for the "something" that makes us feel accepted into the herd. Without ramping up my brain for scholastic dialog... it's the herd mentaility and it functions primarily on a subconscious level within us.It's about that search for the "something" that makes us feel accepted into the herd. Without ramping up my brain for scholastic dialog... it's the herd mentality and it functions primarily on a subconscious level within us. What clothes did you wear when you were 17? Why were the shoes you liked the most – the shoes you liked the most? How did you decide to sign your signature? Have you change the way you sign your signature since you were a teen? A more interesting question that pushes us out of the herd mentality somewhat is what system have you developed for taking showers? Typically not something you read about or learned from someone else so in some small way it becomes a statement of who we are when mindless of what others think of us.

• missb said on Aug 03, 2006....

  Me personally, I kinda like being unpredictable. I like to establish the fact that people can be wrong about me. But then again, I'm a walking contradiction...So I guess the saying "don't judge a book by its cover" suits me well. Love Soulcast!! So many great posts to read...:)

• aeschylus said on Aug 05, 2006....

  This is one of those posts where I found the comments as thought-provoking as the post itself. allaroundgirl, how perceptive you were/are to have noticed the changes in your friend, and now to understand them. For all those commenting, ditto on the perception bit. And for anyone reading these numerous posts and comments: how interesting how our virtual personalities come out; the virtual world can bring out either the best or the worst in us. I was fortunate and unfortunate (at the same time) to have such a diversity of people in my life, I had to deal with a broad spectrum of labels. Made me learn to hate them. I was finally able to ignore a majority of them, but I'm still sensitive to the ones I'm vulnerable too.

• Expendable said on Aug 06, 2006....

  Maybe your friend had a goal. To fit in. It's so easy to think a brain's slacking off if they get a "B". You never suspect they knowingly put down the wrong answer. I think we put labels on each other to sort ourselves out.

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