He just told me we won't get to talk for a little while because he wants to focus on getting things back together with his life, so only God knows how long that would be. He's been looking for a job for the past 2 or 3 weeks and still hasn't found one...It took me about 6 months to find one, I pray it doesn't take him that long.
It just hurts that I won't get to talk to him for some time. He just signed off and didn't explain or anything else. I asked if it would be just a few days like he said or longer...and he said I knew the answer and signed off before I could say anything. It was like a slap in the face. I sent him a long myspace message but I have no idea when he will be getting it. I know I told him that I would be patient and wait, but he's the one who said we were in a relationship so is it selfish of me to want to talk to him instead of no contact until he gets what he needs to fixed? Am I wrong to feel incredibly hurt and somewhat rejected?
He told me to do what I need to do and keep myself busy to not think about him, but I told him that would be hard cause well I fell in love with him (he told me he loved me too a week or so ago). I know I fell fast, so I guess it's partly my fault i'm heart broken, but you can't really stop yourself can you? I don't know...just really hurt for some reason.
rmuxagirl posted on Nov 30, 2007
| views: 426
Comments
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silverwhisper said on Nov 30, 2007....
o, r....
my guess--and bear in mind i don't really know much about him--is that he's scared of not being able to offer you anything as a boyfriend. no job = no money, so he can't take you places or the like. plus, some people get very, very down on themselves, feeling they have nothing to offer when unemployed. i've been there and done that, myself.
so i don't think it's rejection of you, r. i think it's entirely possible it's his rejection of himself.
ed -
queenparanoia said on Nov 30, 2007....
i agree with ed...i hope youre okay rmuxagirl... we can't stop our heart from loving...it was destined to do that... and yet we can't stop it from getting broken...if i'm with you right now i'll rent some sappy romantic comedy and buy tons of chocolate and then we'll whine together why love hurts...i hope youre oay now...{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{HUGS}}}}}}}}}}}}}}} -
moonriver said on Nov 30, 2007....
i have the same guess as ed's and queenie's.
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uniquely-ironic said on Nov 30, 2007....
It does seem weird for him to declare the relationship and then just drop from sight. I'm pretty sure that whatever prompted this was not you. You're an amazing person from what I've read. I guess you can wait and see or "go boldly where no man has gone before!". (sorry, it's my sick sense of humor here)I'm sorry this happened to you. -
evil_twin said on Nov 30, 2007....
Well this sucks. I'm sorry he decided to run off. I think that what Ed said could be true. Or else, I know of a lot of people who fall really hard, really fast, and then freak out when the words 'I love you' have been uttered. And then they run off because it's just too much for them. Stupid, isn't it? But it happens all the time.
The way he broke this news to you wasn't that great. No real explanation or anything. But I honestly wouldn't hold my breath that you'll hear from him again. Not unless he realizes he was just being a scared little boy and comes to his senses.
I wish this didn't happen :-(
-evil_twin LA
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the_infernal_optimist said on Nov 30, 2007....
((hugs))
You're not strange for wanting more than this sudden silence, or for being hurt by the way it happened.
I also agree with the previous comments, in that it sounds a lot more like he can't really deal with himself right now, more than that it's anything you are/did. It still sucks, whatever the reason, and I'm sorry he did that. I hope he comes to his senses soon.
~Infernal
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rmuxagirl said on Nov 30, 2007....
Evil I really hope that you're not right about not hearing from him. Everything about him just seems right which is weird seeing how we just met. And everything about the relationship was first taken by him, even the talk of possibly being soulmates (i know fast). He was the one who first said we were falling fast. I know that there are things a person needs to do, and I know he's not depressed well kinda but not really he's relying a lot on God and has amazing faith from when we talk. I'm in tears right now thinking about it...seems unfair. -
Fallyn said on Dec 01, 2007....
rmuxa......it is unfair.
and not really right.
and it SUCKS.
it's not your fault....and i could speculate on whether or not he's telling the truth or not.....
and who knows if he's coming back or not.....but it wasn't fair to you.....and no explanation.
and i think it was really wrong to just say "you know" ...when you obviously don't.
when you said that you didn't understand why he should have had enough respect for you to try to explain it to you.
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polarheart said on Dec 01, 2007....
Dear Rmuxa, given the cirmcumstances. . .it sounds like this relationship has mostly been online(?), I would suggest you just stand back and wait. I can understand how terrible you must be feeling and how you long to get a response from him, but I suggest you rather wait. He also needs to show some commitment from his side. You need to let him prove or disprove it now.Love Polar -
husbandhater said on Dec 01, 2007....
rmux at least he is being honest with you which is a great thing. Especially when he could string you along or try to use you. Wait it out like Polar suggests. Whats meant to be will be. Cheer up;~) -
beltrix said on Dec 01, 2007....
as much as wether you want to believe me or not, i am in the exact same position. my boyfriend is living away and he told me recently that he couldnt afford to come and see me at uni because he had no money and he has been looking for a job....turns out infact he has got money, and although he is looking for a job, he'd rather pay to go and see his mates then use the free train ticket i gave him to come and see me......i wouldnt mind if he just told me he was going to see his friends, however he'd just rather keep it from me and let me find out accidently from one of his mates.........my heart really goes out to you rmuxagirl, just hang on in there until he talks to you again and youll be fine, well that what im trying to do : )
x x
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lfbno7 said on Dec 01, 2007....
I don't think this relationship of yours is doing too well in the communication department. -
MsStar39 said on Dec 01, 2007....
It is sad that this happened but everything happens for a reason, I think that things moved to fast and now he needs some space. He is trying not to hurt you but you have fallen hard and you are hurt.
With online romances, you are not usually not the only one that they are communicating with. I would give him some space and give him time to miss you.
If it's meant to be for the two of you, it will happen.
Good Luck.
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rmuxagirl said on Dec 01, 2007....
Ok well I have talked to him, and he apologized for the sudden sign off....computer acting up which is plausable cause he's never done something like that too me. And explained things more. We're gonna keep talking and stuff but not as much (everyday). He said he sees something special with me and wants to see where it goes and is excited for it. He thinks we'll work great together :). There's still a little questions unanswered, but that's because he hasn't been on yet today to answer then. I tend to think of questions after we said our goodnights.... -
crybabylu said on Dec 04, 2007....
Well, I think it totally sucks! He could have continued. I 'm not giving him a break on it. He handled this poorly. -
moyz said on Dec 04, 2007....
(((hugs and warm wishes))))....things will work out pretty cool...I agree with what Ed said too!!! -
cotteralladams3 said on Dec 06, 2007....
Isn't the wrong type of marriage bad enough? Why do some men avoid marriage? Why is it some women are so desperate for it? I admit there are happy marriages but consider some of these scenarios that make marriage in itself somewhat unappealing:
Women who deliberately flush the Pill down the toilet to force a man into fatherhood and end his bachelorhood; someone else's sleep interrupted by screaming and sickness in infants; pregnancy, breastfeeding and childbirth; having to work two shifts a day to make ends meet; mortgages; cheating; STD's from someone's cheating;
Women who marry to get out of the house and avoid living alone; women who marry for money; women who marry to avoid work; men and women who hate housework; men who are workaholics; men who travel constantly; a refusal to cook and clean; a spouse who rolls over and sleeps on top of the other; sleep apnea and snoring; control freaks who do not let women work, make their own money, have their own friends, wear what they like, go out, etc.
I mean given the economic burden of marriage along with claims of stress, depression, verbal abuse, arguments, money concerns and exhaustion from many parents, I have always wondered why some married people feel the need to tell me and other singles that we must be desperate to get married, that they must fix our bad situation for us, that there is something wrong about us, that it's weird that we're single, oh and what else?
That we are not following social norms, have no lives, have nothing to do with our time, etc. I guess I don't enjoy having financial freedom, making a move when I feel like it, working as much as I like, not having to get up in the middle of the night to change diapers and get a bottle ready, travelling, taking an art class, writing a novel, going to play tennis, getting drunk, spending money in restaurants, on clothes and scratch and win tickets without worry, investing, having a basement suite to myself, cranking up loud music and watching videos. I might like to get married to have a partner but I don't know about the children.
I am not against gay marriage. Let them have the arguments over the toilet seat, walking the dog, cooking dinner, body hair, shower tiles and other issues. Why do heterosexual people complain they are married with too many kids? How did they end up with too many kids, a mortgage and a wife or husband in the first place? I wish they would shut up. First, they are victims of marriage and they didn't choose it. Then they want their single friends to get married. Then they want a divorce. Then it's wrong for women to be divorced single parents or out-of-wedlock mothers but some of them are happy and wouldn't want to remarry. Then they must stay in their marriage. Then they judge and criticize single people. Then they insist on socially engineering someone's life to their expectations by demanding he or she get married and have kids now or else they can't be friends with them. I can tell you I have sympathy for gays who'd like to marry and adopt, divorced people and single parents. I do not criticize them constantly or try to change them. I figure a good portion are happy. By sympathy I mean that I try to understand and have compassion but do not try to judge, change, hate, manipulate or anything else. I'd rather not be friends with the upper-class heterosexual female married manipulators who like to be pregnant to show off their fertility but hate dealing with marriage, parenting, diapers, chores and such because it damages their nails. I hate those types. I wish they'd get lost. I don't need their advice in life. They can't be in control of themselves so they control others. Men feel no need to do this to arrange their friends' social lives. These people are not friends. -
silverwhisper said on Dec 07, 2007....
ah yes...the infamous cotterall blogjacking.
ed
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